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what do i do about my daughters father?

my daughter is almost seven yrs old and has never met her biological father. he left me when i was 6 months pregnant. he said he didnt want to be a father he was to young. My daughter knows about her father I have never kept that from her. Well just a couple weeks ago her biological father contacted me and said he wanted to be my daughters father. I am not sure how I am suppost to react or what to do? I have asked my daughter if she wanted to meet her biological father and right now she says no I have my daddy that loves me and wants me. I feel sorry for my daughter but I dont think i should push her to meet this man that wanted nothing to do with her for 6 in a half yrs. Am i being wrong? I would like some ideas on this please

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Asked by tdoctor08 at 8:52 AM on Mar. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • I don't think you are wrong, she is old enough now to make her own decision. Let him know and also let her know that if she wants, later, to meet him that is HER choice. I feel it is very incosiderate of him to show up out of the blue and want to see her. He should have thought of that before he walked out on the two of you.

    Answer by LenasMom27 at 8:55 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • No i do not think you are wrong, if your daughter does not want it then that is what counts... its her that will have to dill with having a relationship with the man that didnt want her... She knows what she wants and her wishes I think should be met.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:57 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I would not force it, but i would keep throwing out idea's. It may be a lot harder to face him if you wait. The younger, the better. Is he mature enough to hang out with you too? Maybe the 3 or 4 of you can do something fun together to break the ice, like to to a carnival or something. That way the focuss won't be on bio dad, but on the fact that she is at a carnival. It's all about getting the ice broken, nice & softly. I wouldn't put them together & say here ya go, go hang out with bio dad. That might be scary for her, but i'm sure you know that.

    Bio dad has a right to see her too. People change. You never know, hey could have a wonderful relationship one day.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:01 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I commend you for asking your daughter what she wants. Not many parents would have done that. I definitely would not force her to have a relationship with him but definitely let her know that she can change her mind if she decides without feeling she would be betraying you as so many parents do.  It sounds to me like you are raising a very smart little girl and she will make the right decision for her. It seems as if her father may have grown up and realized what he has missed out on but it may be a little to late and only your daughter can decide that. 


    Answer by maddiemygirl at 9:03 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • If she doesn't want to meet him I would not push it. She might change her mind when she is older if she does you can help her with that. I would tell him she said no and if he really loves his child to respect her wishes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I don't think your wrong but I do think 6 is a little young to make such a huge decision. I would respect her wishes but also encourage the relationship--start out with e-mails and phone calls. Let her decide when and if she ever wants to meet him face to face. I do think your great for letting her have some choice about this.

    Answer by dle4125 at 10:13 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • go with ur gut, if she doesnt want to meet him then dont make her, my sons father isnt in the picture, if he ever called me up one day wanting to i would honestly tell him to go to court....does he pay child support?

    Answer by alicia541 at 11:11 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I wouldn't force it but be warned that a court will force it. She is not old enough to make that decison. Most courts will let a child decide once they are 12 or 13 yrs old. My sons father just called me after 6 years of no contact to see his son. My son is almost 13 and isn't sure he wants a relationship with his father and I won't make him. He does want a relationship with his little brother though. I am very leary because one of the first questions he asked was if I would lower the child support and I won't as he only pays $50 a week. If you do have your daughter visit, do it with you there until she is comfortable ahd the father proves he is responsible enough to stay in her life, to be a responsible, loving father. If he doesn't like that, then prepare for a custody battle.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:19 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • If she said no, I wouldn't push it. And I HATE That the law says that he still has a right to be a dad. HE LEFT FOR SEVEN(8?) YEARS. I hate hate hate that. I hope Emi's dad NEVER comes back. I'm not sure what I would do. *hugs*

    Answer by Arisce at 1:32 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I wouldn't push it too much. If he con. to insist I'd talk to her about it again but kinda leave it up to her as much as possible. Reassure her that you still love her and the daddy will also always love her and that its okay if she wants to meet her biological father but okay if she doesn't either.
    My bf always refused to meet hers she knows she has 1/2 sibling etc. but to this day she's never really cared to know her biodad and is a SUPER, SECURE, educated woman. She just always knew her own mind and early on decided if he had walked away from her then she wasn't interested in letting him walk back.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 4:25 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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