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Should i really leave him?

Ok, my husband and i are like roller coster but to be fair mostly we are ok. He gives me spending money every month and I am ok with it as i can spend it to anything i wanted with no question ask. Although, we don't have joint assets at all and everything is under his name eg, two houses, cars. It was a problem to me at first until i give up and he said he is willing to have a will to protect me in case something has happen to him. Also he is willing to buy a third property under both our names.
The problem is my 3 sisters & other friends says i should divorce him as he is selfish and wanted to keep everything to himself. I do love him that is why i put up with it and i realise if i am by myself i won't be able to buy property on my own anyway. Plus my friends & family i couldn't stay with them if we get separated.

What will you do? pls no bashing.....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Maybe he is buying them in his name to get a better rate. Do you have bad credit or any credit at all? Our house and our vehicles are in my name because my husband messed up his credit before we met. So he can't get financing. But if you are married and he purchased these things after you were married, they are legally yours as well no matter who's name is on the paperwork. That is in most states anyway. There are a few that are not like that but most of them are. Maybe he is a control freak. If you are okay with it, who cares? Does it really change anything? You are married, it's a partnership. If this stuff bothers you, talk to him about it. It's nothing to divorce over, that's ridiculous.

    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 10:10 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Do you really love him? And does he really love you? You should be able to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. I think you should start with that. To me it does not seem like a reason to get divorced. Don't make any big decisions with out talking to him and deciding how you really feel. Don't listen to anyone else. Divorce is a big step. You have to be sure it is what you really want.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • The mortgage can be in his name....but the deed of the houses should be in your name. This is nothing to divorce him over but things should surely change. Your name should be on the bank accounts as well...since you don't work (I'm assuming because you said he gives you an allowance).God forbid he decides that he doesn't want to be with you anymore (things happen...you never know) you need to have things in place to protect yourself and your children.
    NJMom2Tyler

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 10:13 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • He should have just asked you to do a prenuptial if he was concerned about you taking his things. Fact is... anything he's bought since you've been married is community property, doesn't matter if your name is on it or not. The accounts... it's bad to not have your name on those things because you'll have to go thru probate to even get the money in his accounts if your name isn't on there anywhere (I'm guessing he's got it set up so you can have it when he's gone even tho you can't write a check).
    If you're happy, why leave? I wouldn't as long as he shows me in writing that as long as I never leave him I'll be taken care of. Sounds to me like he's got issues from the past where women have used him or someone he saw first hand.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:14 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Wish that was the only thing i had to thing of for divorce!! But unfortunatly its not an in that case, I will be taking half of our two homes and 5 vech. one way or anouther!! It should be how he behaves about it, but if he is going to will it to you anyway he may not be a bad guy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • i remember when we first move in together he said he was not willing to go to the same thing as his ex did to him. He was really broke then. She cleaned his back account. He was afraid i will do the same. I talk to him million times there is no changing his mind although he bought the properties during our marriage time together. There is nothing i can do 'trust me" he is always the bread winner. It didn't bother me at first bec i had a good career but had to resign bec we had to move state to state. It is very hard to find job in this economy for myself but he is doing fine. He has no problem giving me spending money but I get this constant reminder how selfish he is from friends and family so i get confused. (sorry I had few glasses to drink right now)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • oh i also never had bad credit at all. I was a financial consultant myself and I cannot believe i will be subjected to this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I dont think that is a reason to leave him (unless you are leaving out any abuse). If you are comfortable with your situation, then your family and friends should respect that. This is your marriage.. not theirs. If you are unhappy, then talk to your husband and let him know you need to be more involved.. but you say he is willing to buy another house, and have a will.. it doesnt seem like he is trying to keep anything away from you. Maybe this is his way of not burdening you with financial issues.. it can be stressful and it is possible he wants to shoulder that burden so you dont have to.. if he gives you money when you want it, provides for you and your children, and you are happy, then I think you should simply explain to your friends and family that you trust your husband. Honestly I dont think it is worth ending your marriage over. Good luck! Praying 4 u!

    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 10:37 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I think the biggest question is, are you happy with him? If the situation isn't something that bothers you and you have the option of taking care of yourself if you do decide to leave, then why should friends and family have anything to say about it at all? You said that the people who are telling you to leave are also not willing to help you out if you do leave, that would bother me more than anything. It sounds to me like he has some trust issues, maybe some counseling wouldn't hurt, but he should know that it bothers you that he doesn't trust you, obviously you aren't the ex who cleaned him out, and I'm guessing that you would never do something like that. A counselor might help him see that his relationship with you is only as healthy as he lets it be and that trusting you won't leave him broke, sometimes guys are just big babies who don't understand what some women love them for them, not the money they have.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • are you drinking alcohol at 10:30 am? Anyway, guess that's non of my business. Do you have kids together? I don't think it's that big of a deal. I would not care who's name the house & cars are in as long as i loved my husband & he loves me to death. That stuff is of little importance to me.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:48 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

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