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Dishonest or Necessary

My "baby" is now almost 1. I want to try again but my husband wants to wait until baby is in kindergarten. I think thats ridiculous. His whole reasoning is money, but the thing is...we have plenty of money to have another kid.I think he doesn't understand because he isn't close to his only sibling but I have two sisters and a bro that I thank God that I'm close to. I'm thinking about stopping my birth control and putting it in god's hands...and not telling my husband. I think his reasons are selfish and I know that once it happens he'll get on board and be so happy. Besides, I'm the one who has to be pregnant and take care of the baby anyways. Is this very wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If you feel strongly about it I find no problem with stopping your b/c. But you need to let dh know. You could tell him that if he wants to prevent then it's up to him, but you are done preventing. Let him know exactly how you feel. He can't make you be on birth control. (Why does it always seem to be the woman's responsibility to prevent pregnancy anyway?)

    My husband knew from the beginning that I would never take birth control because I don't feel comfortable putting hormones into my body, and he couldn't tell me to do it if he wanted to (he doesn't though, he's very supportive).


    Answer by julipickle2 at 11:54 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I think that's really dishonest and you should NEVER do that. Try to think about if things were reversed and you didn't want another baby yet. I honestly can't believe some women think lying and tricking their husbands into having another baby is horrible. You need to just talk to him about this and come to some sort of a compromise.

    Answer by DDry at 11:13 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • It is wrong. It's deceptive, dishonest, and grounds for a divorce. I would be very very pissed if my DH and I relied on condoms and he would *poke holes* in them.. which is the same thing you would be doing.

    Talk to him, maybe compromise. Say you would like to try in a year. 2 years apart is better for you as well.

    If he is not ready for another one, forcing one on him is selfish and immature.

    Answer by celticreverie at 11:14 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I think it's dishonest. I would just try talking about it more with him... talk about his concerns with money, see what he thinks will change with waiting longer, see what he feels are a benifit. Then tell him why you think sibling close in age are nice and why you think having one now would be better.
    Maybe you can compromise. Maybe try when your son is 2 years rather than 5.

    Answer by AmiJanell at 11:17 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • That is wrong. How do you think that would help your marriage by lying to your husband? Do you think he'd just be overjoyed at the fact that A) you lied to him and B) you got pregnant when he didn't feel ready for #2? You have to be a team, that's what marriage is all about!! Talk talk talk about it, like the previous poster said--compromise. Good luck.

    Answer by mkemom519 at 11:24 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • It's very dishonest. You need to talk to your husband about your conerns and come to a compromise.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Stop taking it and tell him you stopped. Tell him you feel that it is in God's hands, you want one, he doesn't. So you are gonna let God decide.

    Answer by 4monkees at 11:58 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I agree with 4monkees. I have recently told my SO that I want to try for our third baby right away and that I would not be taking any responsibility in preventing it. Its amazing how quickly he comes around when he is thinking "condom" yuck..."no sex" worse

    Answer by kabbot01 at 12:21 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • It's not so much that it's the woman's responsibility, it's that if DH thinks your on BC and you're not, it's deceptive and manipulative. My DH and I share equal responsibility in BC. I don't agree with hormonal BC and refuse to take it. So After our first child was born it would be up to us BOTH to remember condoms/or the film etc... that was our decision, and it worked.

    No one is saying she is forced to continue taking BC, but to lie and stop taking it without informing DH would be wrong and shameful.

    BC decisions are also decisions that need to be discussed in a relationship, so you know where each other stands. We hate condoms and hate using them! So those aren't even an option, and neither is hormonal BC... so we are exploring other means. :)

    Answer by celticreverie at 12:21 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Please do not do that. A child is something that should be agreed upon by both parties and it may end up pushing your DH away and making him extremely upset. As the other posters said it doesn't have to be the women's responsibility, but being deceptive is just wrong. I know 2 women who told their boyfriends they were on BC and weren't so they could "force" the guys to marry them. Both are now single mothers!

    Answer by aeneva at 12:36 PM on Mar. 31, 2009