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I just learned awful stuff about my dad.He sexually molested his cousin & sisters as a teenager & fired from his job for a relationship w/a college student.Surprisingly it didnt shock me.I NEVER felt comfortable w/him. I've felt much guilt for avoiding him.Now I actually have a reason to feel creepy around him.He's been calling a lot lately.I've ignored him.He keeps asking me why I don't return his calls. Should I tell him why I don't want to talk to him?

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Asked by LWVsMOM at 11:53 AM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • Umm, yeah tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know you are uncomfortable with what you have learned about him. Espescially, if you have kids...not sure if I would allow him to be alone with my kids!

    Answer by mamaada at 11:56 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • yes, you should. He needs to know, & he'll most likely understand.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:56 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I would be honest with him. Explain to him that you do not feel comfortable having a relationship with him and that you would really appreciate it if he would respect that decision. Are you sure this information is true? Has he confirmed it? Maybe he knows you found this out and would like to explain. There is always more than one side to every story. Whether you hear him out or not is your business. But I think you need to be upfront and honest about what you want.

    Answer by DDry at 11:57 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Tell him, but I would write him a letter. No need to talk to him.
    You do not have to see him or talk to him again just because he is your dad.
    He has hurt, molested children. Do not feel any guilt for avoiding him that is what you should do.

    Answer by gammie at 11:58 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I'm guessing the reason you didn't feel comfortable was that you sensed something about him, or perhaps he did something that made you uncomfortable when you were small.
    I'd tell him, especially if I had children and tell him that it concerns me, that I need time to work out what I've heard (it's possible it's not true isn't it?)

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:59 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I see nothing wrong with being honest. You might want to write out exactly what you want to say to him. That sometimes helps me, especially if I am apt to become emotional when speaking to someone.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:00 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I'd tell him with in person with a support person for yourself. Or in counsellling. Does he count to be registered as a sex offender? Probably not actually. But now know that he is. Keep your children be they girls or boys away from him even in a crowd. If you feel guillty a counselor can help you. My town has sex offenders and a home for mentally challenged. Scary sitll. My kids do not stay home alone even though they're older. Not with my kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Tell him how your feel..In a e-mail or a letter, if you can't bring yourself to do it in person.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:02 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • i would.

    Answer by melody77 at 12:04 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Yes. If he did those things he needs to know you know, How you feel about the stuff and maybe you guys can work something out. Its gonna upset him, but he needs to fess up to everyone about it, even when its hard.

    Answer by Mommyxtwo777 at 1:16 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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