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How to be a good step-mom?

How do u be a good step-mom when you and the mom have a bad history?
And start a good relationship with the mom?


Asked by lilmama29113 at 12:55 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,691 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I am a step-mom and my children have a step-mom.  I think the most important thing is to let the kids become adjusted to the situation on their time.  You can't force them to develop a relationship before their ready, it only makes them feel more threatened.  As far as their mom, it takes time as well.  Divorce is hard on everyone involved and becoming a new family takes time for all to adjust.  Just respect their mother and her wishes as best you can, when she knows you are not trying to take her place and are there for her children, things will fall into place.



    Answer by annie6303 at 1:56 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I am a good stepmom. My stepson loves and respects me as I do him.. We play together and have fun.. and he knows how much I love him, even though I didn't give birth to him. His mom constantly is starting stuff with me.. Calling me names, threatening.. All that bunch of garbage.. and he defends me to her.. So me and her will never be on good terms.. but I'm there for him.. and thats all that matters.. I know it would be easier if the stepmom and mom could get along, but that doesn't happen often

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 1:02 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • First off, dont ever try to be the kids mommy. Make sure that you respect her wishes as a mother. When you bare a child a bond that noone can ever understand is made. And the thought of some other woman who doesn't know that kid from any other trying to take your place makes you want to kill them. Talk to her. Write a letter, email or anything, Some woman are more understanding then others, explain that you are sorry how things worked out. Don't mention being a good step mother, but a good provider for the children. Tell her you will make sure that all her wishes are maintained etc, but just start by telling her you want to talk to her, Make the relationship better and then go from there, DOnt jump into fast or you will just push her away, It very emotional and touchy so be careful. And alot of the time it has nothing to do with the ex man... Just the kids. you are some other woman playing her role. It threatens her.

    Answer by Mommyxtwo777 at 1:04 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Im not a step mom but my kids have one. In my experience with dealing with her I can tell you just to treat the kids right. She is very jealous of them and their dad and wont let them spend time with him. She is very rude and bossy, even curses them. Do not expect them to treat you like you are their mother but just be there to be their friend and if you have a problem let their dad handle it or talk with them nicely. All I ever asked for is her to treat them like they are human and not to try to take my place but she chooses to be the evil step mom. If she sees you treating her kids with respect then she should respect you and want to be friends for the kids sake.

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 1:07 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Be good to her kids. Dont try to replace her but be a support for them. Refuse to fight with her. Put down any weapons (metaphorically) and don't pick them up again. Make a conscious choice to befriend her, even if she doesnt want to.

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:16 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • its very hard to get along with their ex-wife especially when they are always butting in just to cause problems but not to help with the kids I try my best to be a good step-mom i wasn't perfect but that's because my husband never game me my place but besides that the two oldest kids are the best i tried and financially i did everything  i could but when it came to making decisions i couldn't which i respected its just really hard but the kids are the inocent ones


    Answer by R3DR0S3 at 10:02 PM on Mar. 31, 2009