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A Name Is Just A Name Right?

Sooo....I am a soon to be divorcee, and my SO wants me to change my name back to my maiden name. He happens to know my husband. What I want to know is if it is really that big of a deal? Why spend money that could be used on something else, when in a few years we plan on getting married? He says it's cause he hates hearing it when we go places, and "why do you want a name that reminds you of bad memories". I am of the opinion, that I've had the name for awhile now, and it's just a name for me, it doesn't mean anything lol. I just wanted opinions ladies...

 
Sparta.

Asked by Sparta. at 1:03 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • he is just bieng insecure  do what u think is right and be strong about it because if just a symple name bothers him and your not even married yet imagine what his going to want to change once you are..I meet this lady once she was married for the 4 time and she told me before i got married dont change your last name it will just cost you once you have to change it again keep yours always it was funny at the time she told me but it makes sense now

    R3DR0S3

    Answer by R3DR0S3 at 9:56 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I dont see the big deal. Itd be a big hassel to have to change your name back just to change it again in a few years. Remember everything you had to change when your name changed?? Ugh tell him to quit whining.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 1:05 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I agree with you. Its a waste of money if you are planning on marrying him. It sounds like he has some insecurities about it. Its a fact that you were married to this man and you did have his last name. That cant be changed. If you want to do it out of respect then fine, but hes got to get past that "it bothers me to hear it" crap. I would tell him to grow up. My mother has been married for 15 yrs and she still has her first last name (my maiden name) on her legal documents. She ended up hyphenating it. I have a suspicion that she didn't want to give it up (for emotional reasons) but as long as its not anything like that with you, then yes, its just a name.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:07 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I understand both sides of your story. I can see why it would bother him if you have your previous husbands last name. I don't think its ridiculous of him to be bothered by it. But I do understand your side too. If all it is is a name to you I do understand why you don't see the need in changing it back. In my opinion though, if it was me I would probably change my name back to my maiden name. If it is gonna make him happy and it is just a name to you, then why not just change it. That's just me though. You surely don't have to change your name if you don't want to.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:07 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • my step mom and dad have divorced and she has kept the name. she said its to much to go threw the process to change it back to her maiden name.
    Shannon85

    Answer by Shannon85 at 1:09 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • If you want to keep the name keep it. Be strong. Your SO isn't the one who to go thru all the legalities of changing a last name. Letting everyone know of the change is time consuming . Plus you two plan to get married soon anyway. What's the difference. Tell him to get over it. But in a nice way not so matter of fact.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • It is jealousy, It reminds him of you with your ex. Thats all. Some men are like that.
    Mommyxtwo777

    Answer by Mommyxtwo777 at 1:12 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I agree with the other posters, plus if you have kids it can be a big deal to them. They've been through your divorce and now mom has a new name too?! Depending on how old they are it could be a very big deal to them, a lot is changing for them, it might be good to keep that the same for now. I know my sil kept her married name until her kids were old enough to not be bothered by the change back to her maiden name. Good luck.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:15 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • my husband doesn't like how my old married name still pops up in our mail or when i go tot dr's who have old health insurance info. but he didn't say to change it cause we were getting married, he looked forward to crushing it or replacing it with his name. tell your so that he will do the same when his name replaces it. i think he is being a big sissy. i secretly feel that way when m,y husband makes a big deal about the maiden name. let it go by now. i was married before no big deal. tell your so to man up and stop the tears. that will shut him up.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:18 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • It doesn't cost a lot of money to get your ID changed over. The SS card is free, your license is usually a small fee to replace. And there's no fee at all for you to resume using your maiden name in most situations.

    Really it's up to you, not your SO, but the $$$ thing sounds like a red herring to me. It's a hassle but not a big expense.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:20 PM on Mar. 31, 2009