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Who here has a husband/SO who never things anything is his fault?

I am so tired of my husband complaining that everything is my fault. He can't concentrate on school because I am causing him too much stress. He is failing because I am interferring with his studying. How can I be interfering? I am 400 miles away!!! He calls and says "I have a test in 3 days. I'm going to be studying." He doesn't call except to say he is still alive for the next 3 days. But I am at fault when he fails the test. It has nothing to do with the fact that the man's study skills revolve on cramming in the last 2 days? It has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't know about time-management? No, no, no. He is NOT to blame at all... it is all me.

Anyone else have a husband/SO who does this? What do you do???


Asked by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • When my husband is really upset or really stressed, he does lash out at other people. Since I am the closest to him (other than our son), it's usually me that gets the blame. It isn't a regular thing but every now and then it happens. It's never something as silly as blaming me his poor study habits. I just usually tell him, okay, then give me specific details of how to change it since it's my fault and I will do what I can. When he can't come up with something, he usually takes it all back. If you have tried talking to him about it and there are still no results, it might be best to avoid him when he is in a bad mood. I really hate this kind of thing because I think communication is really important but sometimes you have to pick your battles.

    Answer by DDry at 2:28 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Not my husband, but my mother is like that! Same exact qualities....not only is nothing ever her fault but she has an excuse for everything. Shes has NO time management skills and is chronically late. She has almost ruined several events because of her poor planning and blaming everying on everyone else. My step dad gets the blame for everything. Poor guy.

    Answer by momofsaee at 2:04 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • my dh gets like that sometimes.... i don't work so i have no money (he don't give me any either) but when a bill is late or he runs out of money, it's my fault & i'm like "wtf i have no money idiot" and other things like the mess around his computer is my fault b/c i'm not like his mama & i don't clean up after him.... i just ignore it until it gets to the point where i have to tell him to stfu

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • occasionally mine will. But, when HE does things wrong & i witness it (like the time he dropped a candle that had been lit for a while & wax flew all over the freshly painted wall) I chew the hell out of him for it. And i laugh my ass off & say "god i am SO glad that wasn't me". He knows he can put the blame on me sometimes, it's starting to become more of a joke though. But hey, at least we can laugh about it.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:34 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • OP here - I wish I could laugh about it with him or talk about it with him. I have tried talking to him about it. But his answer is always "Help me!" So I ask what I can do to help and it is always something like doing his work for him!!! I have no knowledge about his field! Mine is about as far from his as you can get. And it is just so stupid. I already have 3 children and a house and a yard and cleaning and cooking and caring for our children (by myself because he is 400 miles away) and paying all the bills and the home repairs/improvements. I have SO much on my plate already and I never ask for help from ANYONE! I still manage to get it all done. I even did it all when I was in school with 2 children and had the same list as above, PLUS classes and working and studying, because he was deployed! And I STILL never asked for help!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • My husband CAN be like that at times and I have other family members that absolutely ARE like that. One family member, it's never their fault. Even when you can 100% prove they did it or they were in the wrong, they'll blame it on their childhood or something that someone else did to them which "excuses" it. My husband always feels the need to initally blame someone when something goes wrong. It's just a bad habit. I normally just roll my eyes and say "I know you didn't just go there." and then move on lol.

    Could there be underlying issues as to why your husband isn't keeping in contact with you and when he does it's just to make you feel bad about trying to keep in contact with him?

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:21 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • OP (con't) - So I cannot understand how someone with NO responsibilities besides school can complain that he needs help! AAAAHHHHH! I just want to scream! He is driving me crazy!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • My ex husband always blame me for everything and I mean everything. I got so tired of that and otherr things so I left him.

    Answer by lily7 at 3:26 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • your life is hard enough you dont need all that drama his being selfish My husband is like that for everything its not worth the stress from it ..If you get an answer let me know i could sure use it thank you and good luck

    Answer by R3DR0S3 at 9:10 PM on Mar. 31, 2009