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My Ex Husband/ Hannah's Father

So as I have put in many of my posts, I was once married (yes, I know I am WAY too young to be a divorcee). My ex decided that he was too young to be a husband and father and had fallen in love with a mutual friend of ours. So, he left. Not just me, he left Hannah as well. He has not called about her, sent money for her, or even tried to see her in over a year. The only reason he saw her when we first split up is because he had no where to go and so he had to stay with his parents and they made him see her in order to live there.
So now he wants to sign away his rights to her because he doesn't want the state to make him pay child support. Not that I have ever asked him for a dime. He has been unemployed since we split in 2007 and has been a "couch" floater for all of this time as well. And I know he doesn't have a dime and probably never will.
I feel awful for my daughter and really don't know what to do about it

Answer Question

Asked by BriHan06 at 2:10 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,166 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • whats your question please

    Answer by jodi205 at 2:12 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Do not allow him to sign away his rights and responsibilities. Child support is not for you, it is for her.

    Answer by kara_g. at 2:13 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I would not allow him to decide that he no longer wants to care for a child that he created. She didn't ask to come into this world. He need to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities. I don't know about your state but where I am if the father doesn't pay he looses his liscense and he ends up in jail until he can somehow come up with the money to pay. Remember it isn't for you it is for Hannah.

    Answer by coala at 2:17 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Sorry ran out of space... Should I let him sign away his rights? Thats the question. I make more than enough money to take care of Hannah and we have lots of extra for her gymnastics and dance and other things we do together. So I feel like by taking support if he does ever get a job would be giving him the right to walk in and out of her life when ever he needs a place to stay, which I do not condone... I feel like its all or nothing because she will be so confused. I wish he would be all here but he has no interest in doing that. Its so sad because we were married and decided together to conceive and then its like he just decided he wanted to live the party life and forget his responsibilities. He left me with 15000 in debt and did not give me a cent to take care of it. So now its kind of liek I am so used to him walking away, I don't want to fight anymore.

    Answer by BriHan06 at 2:18 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Let him sign his rights away..His loss. It will be easier for your next love to adopt your daughter that way.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:27 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Well, there's really two parts to your question. The first is: Can he even sign away his rights? In some states, mine included, unless there is a husband or someone ready and willing to adopt the child, the bio parent cannot sign away their rights. And if that's the case in your state, then there's no more question, b/c he can't do it whether you want him to, or he wants to, or not. Assuming he could do it, it's really one of those either/or things. I wish my ex could sign away his rights, since he never pays support, hasn't seen them in 4 yrs, and so on and so on. So, I see where you are coming from. But, if he signs away his rights, and something happens where you really need his child support to care for her, then you're screwed. You can't go back then and ask for support. Right now, you have that option. First, find out if it's even an option to give up rights. Then, take it from there. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:42 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I thought the exact same thing! I didn't think a parent could just do it whenever they feel like it, but the way he said it to me there is no doubt he can just do it as long as he says he is not a good parent... I really don't WANT him to do this because this is going to make her feel like she is not good enough. The worst part is his father did the EXACT same thing to him and so he knows how it feels so why would he want to put her through that... I am hoping that he will just decide he wants to be her dad and do a good job, but if not then if I do find someone thats wants to adopt her and be that father for her then I want her to have that. I just want her to be happy and not think that something is wrong with her when the truth is her father is just selfish...

    Answer by BriHan06 at 2:49 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • If you are not recieving support etc. you can offer to forgive part of his debt in exchange for sole custody with all rights over visitation (CYA for later). Also check your state laws to see if he even can sign away his rights and maybe negotiate a very low CS agreement -- just enough to accumalate to pay for college/pre-pay program etc. and show it to him.
    This may give you the ability to protect Hannah BUT still have him be responsible for his part.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 4:19 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • To answer your question.

    Yes and just move on with you life and dear daughter. This way you have total control over your two lives. Child support is not worth the headaces it brings at times.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

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