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Was I in the wrong and What should I do ?

My twins live with their father and I get them every other weekend . They will be 9 years old this April . Their father always calls me and tells me I need to deal with their attitudes and when they come to my home they better leave their attitudes at my place . I had them for Spring Break and when I picked them up from their dad he told me to bust their bottoms litterly if needed cause their attitudes have been bad . Well on St . Pattys day I busted their bottom with a paddle cause they was lieing and trying to fight each other . I accdently left bruises on their bottom , NO where else and felt so bad about it I turned around and got rid of the paddle . I called their dad and told him what happened and how I felt so bad all he said is well I hope it changed their attitude . Well he turned me in to CPS and now I have supervised visitation until this is settled . I feel so bad and I know I shouldn't of spanked them that hard .

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (28)
  • Sorry but it sounds like you got what you deserved. You have to hit REALLY hard to leave a bruise, especially on the butt. That is excessive!  You made the decision to spank and you made the decision to spank way too hard and now you have to deal with the consequences.  If CPS feels you are a good mother, your visitation will go back to normal.


    Answer by DDry at 2:46 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • omg why u would you hit your child with a paddle why won't you just use your hand

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • But nothing else was working ! Not to mention he also tryed to go for child support on me and gave the Attorney Generals Office the wrong address . But that got denied ! I feel he just doesn't want me to have anything to do with my kids . I have had a protective order on him at one time because of abuse . He is so controlling especially with him having the kids , I just feel so bad and am at wits on what to do .

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • So you aren't even paying child support? I don't blame him for trying to get child support from you. If the situation was reversed, you would be fighting for the money also. It's time to woman up and be a good parent. Pay child support, love your children and do not hurt them! I don't want to hear the "nothing else was working" excuse. "Sorry, I smashed your head through a wall because you weren't listening" will be next. My father did that to me when I was younger and tried that excuse. It has been almost 10 years and I still don't forgive him. Sorry to say but I agree with your ex and the court on this one. It sounds like he is trying to do what's best for the kids.

    Answer by DDry at 2:51 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • yep, you did get what you deserved. I think spanking with hands is bad enough, but with a paddle? That's child abuse, & that is why they have things like CPS, to help prevent these kinds of things. Spanking solves nothing. It might temporarily put enough fear in a child that he won't do something bad, but in the long run it just teaches them violence & how to react violently .


    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:56 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • You shouldn't have listened to your EX. I hope you will not listen to your EX any more.

    Do what CPS tells you to do.EVERYTHING , or you will never see your kids again.


    Answer by louise2 at 3:00 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Well, I definitely agree that it was a bit excessive if you left marks. Also, your situation is unique that he has the girls, so you are up against a lot. People assume that if he has custody there MUST be something wrong with you because it just doesn't happen that often. Just learn moderation, apologize to your girls, and prove to CPS that you are a god mother that loves her girls and just made a bad judgment call.

    Answer by BriHan06 at 3:04 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • He only has the kids due to he left me for a 15 year old back in 01 and I wrote hot checks trying to support them on my own . I did not no about food stamps or medicaid at the time . I ended up getting warrants for my arrest and had another child at the time . I signed the papers even though I did not agree on them cause I didn't know what would happen to the other child . We have joint custody of the kids with him as primary .

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • As a former CPS employee, there is something miss other than he left you and you wrote hot checks. They do not take children away from a parent just because they made poor financial choices. So there is something you aren't telling. Which is fine, we aren't asking for past details. But what you did was wrong and now you are paying the consequences. I would be shocked if your kids even wanted to see you right now. If you left marks on the butt, you abused, not spanked! You need to do anything CPS tells you. Take parenting classes, anger management classes, anything you can get into that might make you look better in court. Plus, it will teach you to be a better parent and that is something everyone in this world needs!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Oh my goodness, I bet you felt bad, I 'm sure that words cannot describe.

    I never spank because it's done out of anger and anger is way more powerful than we realize, especially at the time. Obviously your kids have been through way more than they should have had to experience. If it were me, I would put myself through anger management on my own for starters. I would probably keep a journal for your children to read later about how you feel, without putting the blame on anyone else, and I would definitely seek family counseling. It will probably take a lot of time, but your kids are going to trust their Dad more than you in this.

    Answer by Iheartmamahood at 3:40 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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