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not happy anymore

Please no bashing or judging, just help. I don't know what to do. I haven't been happy with my dh for a while & I'm pretty sure he knows it. I have been thinking about leaving but we have a 21mo old daughter. I found out I'm pg again, even though we rarely have sex, use pull out & I only have 1 ovary. So I'm 9wks pg & don't know what to do from here. I had planned on leaving by this summer. I don't want to take our daughter from him but now we are having another baby. He is a good husband & a good father. The only viable reason I have for leaving is I'm just not in love. We have been married for 4 yrs, I married him b/c he was a great man, it was a quick realtionship, 4mo & we were married. I thought I could grow to love him, which I do as a person but I'm just not in love w-him. It makes it harder being pg again & not being excited b/c it will make it harder. I know I need to talk to him but I don't know what to say. Help

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Perhaps the pregnancy is making you feel this way. I'd have been thrilled to have been married to a good man and a good dad. Sometimes "love" can be overrated. Good luck in figuring out what you want to do. I hear happiness comes from within so it's possible you are not unhappy bc of hubby. Just a thought, not bashing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:20 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I'm not unhappy b/c of him, he hasn't done anyting wrong, in fact he does everything right. He gives me a kiss and tells me he loves me every morning before he leaves for work, he lets me be a sahm, he texts me when he can during the day, he calls me when he leaves for work every evening, he spends all his free time with us. he doe everything that a girl could want. I just look at him and it's not there anymore. I have tried to "make myself happy" but it's not there. I was excited at first about being pg again but now that it's setting in I just don't know. It makes me feel more trapped. Maybe b/c I want to get out and do things, have fun. I just feel stuck. I'm just hear. I'm alove but I don't feel like Im living. I always wet through b/f's when I was young, some attribute it to my adhd, never being able to stay on one task, always getting bored and now I'm bored. I want my daughter but not my husband
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Is it possible you're in love with being 'in love'? Lots of women do this and don't even know it. It is basically "looking at the trees and missing the forest". You say he is a good husband and father, that he is a good guy. Those can be great reasons to begin to love someone. Have you considered working on trying to find a way to change your feelings? I am not bashing, or judging. I know two women who left their "good guy/dads" for the same reason and they both regret is desperately. Now the guys are so hurt they can't go backwards. Just something to think about. Often times we don't think about how good we have it, until we don't have it any longer.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:40 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Pull out doesn't work, by the way, as you've discovered- just saying for future reference. You made a vow to stay with your husband. Your being not-in-love with him right now, even though he has not mistreated you, and is a good father and husband, is not a good reason to break his heart. Work on the marriage. Marriages do take work and commitment. Seek counseling to see if that would help. Good luck.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:43 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • been there dear, it's a very lonley place, if it is all possable please get out of the house on a daily basis a p/t job vol. work helping out at the nursing homes whatever, your depressed right now & you need an outlet, it's not your husband your disgusted with it's your own life, you probally feel stuck but your really not, give it a chance don't leave unless you have tried everything!
    tntornado45

    Answer by tntornado45 at 5:46 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I know how good I have it and that's what keeps me from leaving. I don't know. I know what you mean about being in love with being "in love". I know I've seen it over and over again too, the grass is rarely greener on the other side and I don't think I could find a man as great as the one I have. Maybe I'm just wnting some freedom, I'm bored, I need something exciting. Maybe it's the horomones, maybe it's that Im turning 30 in less than 2 wks. thanks for your hep though. it does help to talk to someone. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I don't really have any friends and I can't tell my family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • You just hit the nail on the head..you are a SAHM(isolated), pg again(hormones), turning 30(a little freaked) and you're bored and lonely. You don't need to leave your husband..you need to get a life. You need to go to the gym, find a playgroup, volunteer at someplace you're interested in. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. No one can make you happy. YOU have to make YOU happy. Think how much worse it would be if you weren't married to what sounds like a terrific guy.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:58 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • being single isn't a c ake walk either. you need to talk with the dr. maybe it's depression and maybe try your own separate counseling cause it sounds like it's within you. you don't just leave a good man cause you feel you fell out of love.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:36 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND TRY MARRIEGE COUNSELING AND MAYBE IT COULD HELP YOU FALL IN LOVE AGAIN BECAUSE A LIFE WITHOUT LOVE IS NO LIFE AT ALL ...AND EVENTUALLY YOUR KIDS WILL PICK UP ON THAT, BUT THEY DESERVED FOR YOU TO TRY TO MAKE YOUR MARRIEGED WORK ..GOOD LUCK GIRL I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
    R3DR0S3

    Answer by R3DR0S3 at 6:45 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • ARE U SURE U WANT TO GIVE UP A GOOD MAN JUST BECAUSE THE PASSION IS GONE. IT LEAVES NO MATTER HOW MUCH U R IN LOVE. TRY COUNCELING FIRST U MAY B MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKEEOF YR LIFE. AND NOT KNOW OT INTIL ITS TOLO LATE
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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