Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Re: should the 10 year old know about her bio dad


He is not a bad person and has wanted to be there since she was 3 but I didn't feel he should be, and he never made any major effort, until he got a lawyer and found out that he had visitation set. Now she had to be told and I feel it will mess her up and we should wait until she ould handle it better. He has 2 other children, and refuses to sign over rights, even thogh we discussed this years ago, he says he changed his mind and i should have had it in order 5 years ago, he wanted me topay for it and i thought he should. now he says he never really wanted to he was just trying to do the right thing, and now nows the right thing is for her to know. with all that shouldn't he have to pay support no matter what... he helped make her

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • My husbands ex took his daughter away because she did not like his mother. My husband is a great guy, hard worker, doesn't do drugs etc....there was no reason for it. She was 8 when she stopped letting him see her, and it kills him. She would make it a living h*ll any time his daughter had fun with him and make her feel terrible, so at the time he thought it was best. Now we don't have money to fight this women for visitation for his daughter and she won't work with him. We have tried to get things moving, on her terms so that his daughter can get to know him again, and then possibly get to know her "other family", but the mom won't budge.
    I do not think that it is ever in the best interest of the child to not know a responsible family member. A child can never have too many people to love him/her. Please do not with hold children from their fathers, as long as they are good people...it harms them in the long run.
    NewMommyin06

    Answer by NewMommyin06 at 5:20 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • seriously you screwed up not telling her. You now have to be the adult and suffer the consequences of her not trusting you because you lied to her.

    How many times are you going to post this by the way?
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 5:16 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • have you and the man who raised her sit her down and just tell it to her straight.
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 5:16 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • To answer your questions...YES, it is hers to know. She will eventually learn it anyway and if you don't tell her...you become the bad guy who kept it from her. She may even think YOU kept her from him. If you do not have a child support order, you need to get one as soon as possible. Visitation and support are two separate issues. One is not dependant on the other.
    After the court orders suppoert and he doesn't pay..you inform the court. Not after a couple months..EVERY time he misses. Child support is one of the few things that can get your salary garnished.
    Choose a calm quiet time to talk to her about her father. Tell her he wants to see her. He has a lot of work to do to build a relationship with her. She may feel abandoned by him. Support her through this, be ready to answer lots of questions, give lots of reassurance and just love her like crazy.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:22 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Child support may be different issues, but if he has paid child support, in the other, you said he always had. than he has every right to. Two people made this child and you are wrong to make desicions like this with out him. you need to do the right thin now, before she is a teen and finds out aomeother way. Bad choices mom!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I must have missed the other posts- but you can not force someone who wants to be there sign over their rights. You decided he shouldn't be in her life (as you so stated) ... if he wants to be there he has every right and SHOULD be there. You need to sit down and talk to your daughter. They deserve a chance to know eachother
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 6:25 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • You sound like a selfish woman
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on Mar. 31, 2009