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What would you do if you found out....

That your husband was downloading porn even after you have talked to him about it and told him not to do it....and you are pregnant with his first child...and you have sex with him whenever he wants although it no longer does anything for you due to pregnancy. He also got caught by me...when he was cheating online with a female that he knew from his past. I don't know if he's ever had sex, other than cybersex, with anyone. I don't trust him. I can't trust him. This has been going on for the past year. I don't know what to do. It all started when he returned from deployment to Iraq. Our once perfect marriage is going down hill now.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:15 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • i would put a blocker to stop the porn and have him go to counseling for it also for him lying in your relationship . i would tell him it's me or the porn and the other honey you wants. i would never let him have his cake and eat it too.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I am very computer saavy, so I have already set up passwords on all 3 computers. I changed the user names on all 3 too. Plus, I put blockers on all of them for porn and other crap like that. I have asked him how he would feel if I was the one sneaking around and watching porn or talking to men online, and he said it would hurt him really bad. I told him tonight that since I know how much FREE TIME he has on his hands now when he comes home from work that he can start coming home and helping me clean, wash dishes, and make dinner. All he does when he comes home from work is sits down and obviously watches these porns that I didn't know about. I know he does some computer programming too. What makes me mad is that he viewed one of these vids yesterday, according to the time stamp in the system log, and a few mins. later came in the bedroom while I was trying to get laundry put away and told me he was horny and wanted sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I definitely think he (and you, for him not for you persay) needs to attend counseling. He may be suffering from depression after his deployment to Iraq. He is probably struggling to adust and doesn't know how or where to turn. Looking at porn and talking to women online is one easy way to avoid the "real world". I really hope you can get help and fix this. You both deserve to be happy and have the "perfect" marriage. You both need to pull together your marriage for the sake of your baby. I know you aren't doing anything wrong, but the responsibility to fix your marriage falls on both of your shoulders, even though he is the one messing up. Good luck!
    AnnaMac

    Answer by AnnaMac at 6:30 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Not to mention I'm in my 3RD TRIMESTER of pregnancy! I have only about 9 or 10 weeks left, and I don't get to rest or lay down for naps. I am constantly getting this house clean, doing laundry for 3 people, running errands for everyone, washing dishes, making dinner, etc. This is the way he freaking thanks me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Wow... as far as I'm concerned, cyber sex is cheating. I'd insist on counseling and I hate to say it, but I'd probably cut him off until he went for a while. This seems to be an issue for many men. Go see Fireproof. Good luck!
    divakristi

    Answer by divakristi at 6:32 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • SEND HIM COUNSELING TELL HIM HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL AND HOPELLY THE COUNSELING WILL HELP HIM ..GOOD LUCK
    R3DR0S3

    Answer by R3DR0S3 at 6:33 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Porn can be an addiction. He needs to seek help. I know some women will tell you it is no big deal, that all men watch porn, and to get over yourself. DON'T listen to them. If it is something that you don't approve of and he is hiding it from you then he is betraying you and losing your trust. This, as you know, could easily kill your marriage. Tell him you need him to respect you. You need him to be a man for you and your baby and seek help. He cannot continue this without destroying your marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I would give him an ultimatum...the porn doesn't bother me as much as the talking with the other chick.some people can become addicts of porn and he probably saw a lot of it in Iraq. So yeah, maybe he needs therapy. But he might not even think it's a problem cuz most men use porn in the service....as far as I know.
    ericadrian

    Answer by ericadrian at 6:35 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I think he does have a porn addiction or sex addiction. When I found out he was cheating online, I found about 10 different sex, cheating, and affair sites that he was a member of. He wasn't a paid member, but he was a member. Then recently I found some sites that he joined around the same time we started dating...well, a little before we started dating. They were all the same kinds of sites. Plus, he's downloading not just porn, but porn movies that have to do with older women, mature women, MILF's (as they call it), and stuff like that. He's not even 30 yet. We have done the counseling thing. I stick to it, he doesn't.
    He has PTSD and already is on meds and receives counseling and therapy for it. Yeah, he was in the military, but I know plenty of men who are in the military and are perfectly content with their WIVES providing them with "entertainment" while they are over there. They don't look for it elsewhere.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I'm guessing while he was deployed he used porn as a way of coping without sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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