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I need some advice...

I was not sure what category to put this under. A friend of mine has 2 girls and she recently found out a close friend of hers has been molesting both of them. CPS has stepped in and at this point we do not know what is going to happen. When I talked to her this afternoon, she said she does not want the guy to go to jail. She wants him to get help and for him to appear on the sex offender website. She asked me if it was normal to think that way. So far the 3 people she has told is so angry about what has happened and wants him to go to jail. Should I convince her to put him in jail or just let her pursue it the way she feels is right? Will he learn if he does not go to jail? I am worried about other possible victims.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:31 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Lock him up & throw away the key ! If he did he it he should pay b/c those kids will be traumatized for life no matter how much counseling they get . I hope she makes the right decision...

    Answer by LatinMamiOf2 at 8:35 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Hell yes he should go to jail and hopefully he will get a taste of his own meds. I think he needs to get locked up for good throw that key away for real, I just don't understand why she do not want him to go jail is she scared his gonna hurt her? I think shes scared of him and if you can please find out whats up she needs make him pay for this and not allow anther chil be a victim. Good Luck with this tough situation. You are a wonderful friend to her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Why does she feel that jail is not a good option for this man? Honestly, the only reason I know of that a woman would not press charges in a case like this is that the "close friend" of hers that did this is more of a "boyfriend".

    Regardless the connection, YES he does need to serve time. If he is not CONVICTED of these charges he CAN NOT be registered as a sex offender!!!!!! The only way to protect others is to have him charged and convicted!!!

    Also, most pedophiles/sex offenders can NOT be rehabilitated!!! Even the molesters themselves will tell you that there actions are like an addiction and they can not stop themselves. There are exceptions, but does she really want to take that chance with her girls? Sexual crimes have the HIGHEST rate of re-offending!!!!

    Tell her she NEEDS to make sure that this man is arrested, charged and convicted of these crimes if she wants to do whats best for everyone!!!

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:40 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I am very sorry to hear this story, no child should ever have to go through that.
    Now I personally think the bastard who molested the children should be hung out to dry, and tried by a jury of his peers - hopefully other parents - and receive the death penalty for commiting such a crime that will have lasting effects on the children for the rest of their lives. So to answer your question, yes I think your friend needs to press charges. And in many states now that CPS is involved it's no longer up to her. The state will press charges, and just maybe some guy in prison who is already in for life, and has children will do the world a favor and rid them of that man. Child molesters do not do well in prison. A lot of those men in jail have families and kids, and they already have anger issues -one of the reasons why they might be there- will show that man a lesson for doing what he did.

    Answer by Vanessannd at 8:41 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • any child that has ever been in contact with that man needs to be checked out.

    Answer by Vanessannd at 8:41 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • So how do I push her to feel that it is the right decision to put him away without ruining our friendship? This poor girl has been through a lot in the past two years. Her mother-in-law died in her sleep unexpectedly, her husband commit suicide because he could not deal with the death of his mother, 4 other family members were killed in a car accident, her grandfather was recently diagnosed with cancer, and now this crap. The guy who did the horrible things to her girl's is a close friend of the family. I just wonder if she is afraid of losing someone else due to everything she has been through. Also, more than 10 yrs ago, she lost her first daughter to SIDS.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • You don't push her; CPS, the police and the district arrorney will take care of that for her. She will have no choice. He cannot be put on the sex offender list without being charged and convicted. She does need to get counseling for herself and her kids, they will all need it.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:06 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Could you honesty live with yourself if you didn't do EVERYTHING in your power to stop this man? You now have all the knowledge you need to report this CRIME. I wouldn't even warn your friend (if you actually want ot call her that), I would report her "friend" & her to CPS. DO THE RIGHT THING! There are innocent children being victimized, your friend her wishes, her boyfriend, all mean nothing only what these poor children are going through  matters.


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 9:19 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • As I was a molested child myself, and no the consequences of such behavior. I feel very strongly that this man be put in JAIL. The fact that your friend could allow that to happen to her children, and then not fully want to prosecute this man for what he did is disgusting to me... It will not stop... The man will think well I got away with it once and I can do it again. I never told anyone what happened to me, because the person who did it was a family member, and so many years have passed now that I can not really do anything. I still have to see this person, and live with the fear, and I'm sure that her kids will feel the same way everytime that they see this person. My molestation went on for YEARS, before I put an end to it. I don't know, it started when I was 4 and ended when I was 9. And if something like that ever happened to my daughter, and would personally kill the person myself!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Ok, here's the thing - for him to have to register as a sex offender, then he would have to be convicted. That means he has to be reported. Once he's reported, it's NOT up to her to press charges or not - it's up to the State. It's a criminal case. Sort of like someone kills your loved one, you don't get the choice of whether or not the killer gets tried and sent to jail, but you can request to address the jury and make a sentence recommendation.

    Now, if she decides that she doesn't want to do that, because then the choice isn't up to her, then, when it comes out (and it will!), then she'll ALSO be charged as an accomplice and with child endangerment. She can and will very likely will lose her kids and face jail time herself.

    Now, imo, sadly, depending on the extreme of what he did, odds are, he's not going to face a lot of jail time anyway, probably probation or a yr or two (not enough time, imo...)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:30 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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