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What should I do? Is my husband right?

He can't let go of the past & is strongly considering divorce now & we have 2 kids (one 2.5yr old & one 2month old). We've been married for almost 3 years & been together a total of 7. Cheating happened on both our parts during the 1st year of our dating relationship, once on my side, 3 times on his. NOTHING has happened since then, esp during our marriage. We've both been very faithful. I've let go and forgiven & he says he still can't and is afraid he won't be able to. I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. He says he needs time away to figure it out, but he hasn't moved back to his parents yet b/c he doesn't want to tell them. He knows they'll get pissed at him. Him staying here gives me false hope. We're sleeping in separate rooms. He always wants to do his own thing. I'm afraid he's going to get so comfortable with this "roommate" situation that he's going to go out (or stay in) & forget that he has a wife & kids.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I dont think he has a right to do this considering it happened before youwere married and he still married you. This is something he needed to get over before he had a family and said vow's. I am thinking maybe something else is going on and this is his way of turning the tables n youso you wont get suspicious. Wether it be cheating, or him having some other issues, he needs to deal with that directly and stop pointing the blame at you when he married you and had already forgiven yuo for it in the past. GL
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 10:29 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I also wanted to add that I would sit down and talk with him about staying there. I would suggesty counseling and tell him that he has so much time to decide and then he will have to leave it is not right to torture you about something that he ahd already forgiven you for once before. And it is not good for your yo to see either. Maybe counseling?
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 10:32 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I agree, if this happened before the marriage and he is guilty of the same act, then it's hardly fair to hold it over your head now. He should've thought of all of that before promising forever and bringing two babies in this world.
    It sounds to me like his cheating ways are acting up again and he's using the past as an excuse to go do it again. I'm sorry but that's the way I feel and with his history, I'm surprised you sound so trusting of him.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:32 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I was going to say the same thing that AK did, that there seems to be something else going on with him and he is using this issue against you as a diversion. He cheated too, so his slate isn't clean either. Something else is going on. He needs to get to a doctor for a medical check up first thing so that physical problems can be ruled out. Then you both need to get counseling. You have every right to be broken hearted. I feel badly for you. Take control of your life by making sure you have a bank account in your own name with money in it, and decide how you will support yourself and children if you do split up. Consult a lawyer to find out what you should and shouldn't do. Then if everything works out, you won't need to have done this, but if it doesn't then you'll be more ready to handle it. Good luck and hugs!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:35 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I agree with everyone else...something just doesn't add up. You need to get to the bottom of it. Alot of men will try to turn the tables when they are at fault to almost make you feel like the bad one.
    luvsgriffin

    Answer by luvsgriffin at 10:38 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Sounds like he is just using it as an excuse to get out of the marriage.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 10:48 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Lisa - I sound so trusting of him only because he's a terrible liar. He's never been able to hide anything from me. Truly. I'm sure it's one of the talents he wishes I didn't have :) He also holds over my head that I had relationships with men he didn't approve of during the one break up in our dating relationship. Although I agree with him that they were definitely no good for me, I think it's completely unfair to hold that against me.

    Bmat - His family does have a history of clinical depression. He has considered that as a possible reason for all of this too.

    AK - I agree that counseling is an option we shouldn't ignore. I've broached it with him, and he thinks it's good to consider as well. I just don't know if he'll actually act on it :(

    Luvsgriffin - I completely understand what you mean. He's done that before. This time though, his issue is also with himself not being able to get over the past.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

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