Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I pathetic? or Is this okay?

Basically we didn't know each other well enough when we got married. We both got wrapped up in a fairytale (I waited, he came home from war and we got married, we also got custody of his little girl) We've decided to separate. I think for good and he thinks trial. We've been to a counselor and he opted out before we were done because he said he's had enough psycho babble bs.I'm a student and have about a year left in college and he feels badly about dropping this bomb on me (apparently he felt this way long before I did) and wants to keep me on his insurance (medical) until I can find a job using my degree. I'm trying to find a job right now so that I can get my own place and take care of myself. He said until I have enough money to do that I can stay (we're very far away from any family or friends) and he will continue to support me in exchange for helping him with his daughter. Is this wrong or an okay agreement?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • As long as it doesn't include bedroom rights, it makes sense to me. Logical. Your feelings about it are what matter. The little girl needs to be considered, but as long as you two are civil around her then it may be OK. And it might be confusing to her if he brings other women home before you are divorced. Can you or have you continued counseling on your own? It could help you figure out this situation.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:14 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • He doesn't and wouldn't bring women around while I'm here. I wouldn't do that either even though he has told me he wouldn't care (he totally would though) We've told the little girl what is going on I'm more worried about when I actually leave. Her mother isn't in the picture and we've gotten really close. She goes to counseling for stuff she's had to deal with. I've seen a counselor and been put on medicine for depression/anxiety but it's still been really hard.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I don't think I could do it. Would ya'll be dating other people? Sleeping together? I don't know, I think I would have to many emotions that I couldn't deal with. I would rather just have a clean break.
    fawn321

    Answer by fawn321 at 11:43 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • It sounds like you guys are being compassionate towards each other and respectful. As long as neither of you hurts over this and you both know the reality, there is nothing wrong with it. And since you have a great relationship with your step daughter, there is no reason you can't continue this relationship even if you and her father divorce. And from the sound of it, it sounds like your breakup is very amicable with very little drama.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:57 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • This wouldn't be the first time this type of arrangement happened in the Military. It seems to me that you are both in agreement of some sorts. YOUR NOT PATHETIC! It's not okay, but it happens. It's nice that he wants to do the right thing by you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • It sounds like a good solution. Not pathetic. Afterall, you have help raise his daughter and have put alot into their lives and home. Maybe you could stay there as roommates after the divorce. Paying your own way, so you can still help raise your step-daughter. If not, stay in her life. You are her mother even though she is not yours bio. Good Luck
    Allie428

    Answer by Allie428 at 7:40 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.