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Help Bio-Mother has decided to come be part of her child's life but did drugs and other major things.What do I do as the stepmother that has legal papers that she can not be around daughter without supervised visitation?

My 11 year old step-daughter has seen her real mother about 5 times when she was under the age of 4years old. But everytime she spent time with her something happened to the child. She was sexual touched by her new husband and son, then she was bruised and not fed. Documents were made by the police and CPS and my husband has custody of the child but she was given supervised visits because of what was going on. I have been with the child since she was 4 years old and she does not want to have anything to do with her bio-mother. But the mother is wanting to have the child for a week over summer break. I have reminded her of the legeal supervised visits but she now wants my husband to drop that and let the child go to las vegas and we live in Texas. She was heavy into drugs and having threesomes and all that even infront of her kids. She even told the child that her father and her were together while he and I have been married.

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Asked by QueenWyrm at 9:21 AM on Apr. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • Don't let her do it. You guys have that paperwork for a reason. If she really wants to visit, then she will go back to court and prove herself as being able to have shared custody/unsupervised visits.

    Answer by Crystal1124 at 9:23 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • You have legal paperwork that specifies that she cannot have the child unsupervised. End of discussion with her. If she doesn't like it, she has the right to go to court and try to get it changed. Don't give in to her. Do what's best for the little girl.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:26 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • She should have to go back to court to get her visitation modified. The daughter doesn't want to go, and you cannot trust that she will be safe. The courts made the decision they did for a reason, not for fun. Stand your ground and support your SD in everything that comes about here.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 9:36 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I say stick to the court order. If she has truly changed, she will understand that her prior actions are the reason for the order. You have had to be the stability in your SD life. Continue to be that. Encourage the mom to visit but keep it supervised, and if there are signs she is still into drugs or the other things..nip it. When she really has changed she will do the work it takes to be a part of her child's life.Talk to your SD explain to her people can change but her bio-mom has a sickness. And because she is sick you need to make sure she has her life in order before you can let her take SD for unsupervised visits. Bless you for being there to care for this child! She is lucky to have you looking out for her best interest.


    Answer by Tzutchka at 9:41 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Just go off the court order and be prepared to go back to court. If she wants to see her child she will likely find a way by seeking legal action. I would send her a registered letter with a copy of the court order in case she lost hers that states she has supervised visits, and in the letter outline 4-5 weekend times where she can see her child supervised. Tell her that is what youre willing to do for now and then you can look at the situation and go from there. That way if and when she takes you back to court you have evidence to show you tried to work with her on supervised visits with an open possibility to more in the future.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:47 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Tell her NO! If she takes it to court, your SD is old enough to talk to the judge & tell the court that she doesn't want to see bio mom. Do not force SD to go to supervised visits if she doesn't want to.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:41 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Your husband needs to take care of this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • NO! Stand firm on the supervised visits! Your step daughter doesn't want to go, get the child courts to back you up...she's is old enough to have some say and sounds like she understands what's going on. I do hope the dad will step up and push back the invite with a firm NO! Good Luck!

    Answer by Joyo4 at 12:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

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