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How do I handle my children resenting me?

I am remarried for 9 years, I have 2 children from previous marriage. They were ages 4 and 6 when I remarried. I now have 2 other children from this marriage. My problem is, the 2 older ones resent me because their stepfather who is a very good provider, is basically emotionally closed. Can sit in a room with the kids and not speak a word for hours. This has pretty much been our only real argument in our relationship. He treats me great always did. Now that my children are 18 and 16 they tell me that they hate him and it's my fault for not throwing him out of the house along time ago. They feel I chose him over them. I do see their side in this, so what should I do, throw him out. I feel totally torn and in the middle of them all.
I really resent my husband for making my kids feel like he doesnt love them.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Apr. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Tell them that your life doesn't revolve around them %100. If you are not happy, then your kids are going to be even less happy. Part of being a parent is taking care of yourself & your own needs too. If you CANT take care of yourself & your own needs, then most likely one would become bitter & resentful, & that makes for a grumpy un-happy mom. Your happiness should be just as important to them, as their happines is to you.

    As far as you & your husband goes. He should make more of an effort, i worry that this will actually happen in my home. My daughter is now 7, & so far her & step dad have a great relationship. But i worry that as she gets older, he may shut her out more (he can be very emotionally closed) I have told him before that if he is with me, he is with my daughter too. No 1/2 assing it. So far he understands. I hope it works out for you, you guys need to have a heart to heart.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:24 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Has your DH always been this way with them, even when you first married? Is he different with the children that you have together?

    Answer by madsmom11597 at 11:24 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • How are your kids 16 & 18 if you've only been married for 9 years and they were 4 & 6 when you remarried? Beside the point, but just wondering.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • No when we first met he was great with them, then when our son together came along he changed. As far as our 2 sons together, he has no choice but to give them attention because they are little and they climb up on him and things like that.

    Answer by shadermom at 11:32 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • We we together for together for a couple of years before we married.

    Answer by shadermom at 11:34 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

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