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How old is too old?

My next door neighbor just moved here 3 weeks ago and has a 12 year old daughter. Well she comes over to my house from time to time to play. She seems to be a sweet respectable girl. My daughter is 8 which is a 4 yr difference. I'm questioning their relationship because my daughter has came to me asking about having a period and what not. I was shocked and I blurted out who has been talking to you about this, Grandma? She said no, it was her friend. Well I went ahead and talked to her about it and I also asked her what are some of the other things the girl has talked to her about. She said her friend had a boyfriend and they kiss and this and that. So when the girl came over yesterday I made up an excuse and said that Destiny was doing her homework. Now she and Destiny gets along fine and I know this isn't the last time this child is going to come over wanting to play with Des. What would you do in this situation?

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diamondmamma

Asked by diamondmamma at 12:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • it happend here. my dd 11 and nextdoor age 15. they are great together ( no other kids in neighborhood ) so thats all she has. and the girl is sweet but same thing i talked to her and just said my dd is this age and there are somethings she dosent need to know yet. ( french kissing ) and i dont think your mom would be to happy needless to say 15 year old is best behavior and has even asked me if she could tell my dd things ( like period ) i said that was fine only because i already had that talk. its hard but sometimes things can work out good luck mama..
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 12:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Personally I have already had all of those talks with my kids by the time they were 8 or 9yo. Kids are going to talk and gossip and all that. As long as your daughter comes to you with her questions. I do not totally understand why you are wanting to cut off their friendship. If the older girl is nice and responsable I would personally let them play and maybe just mention to the older girl that I would appreciate her watching what she ways to my daughter becuase there are things that I have not been able to talk to her about yet.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 12:40 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Growing up my BFF's were alot older than me too... But I was also mature for my age. We all met when I was in 1st-2nd grade when they moved to our neighborhood. the age diffrence:
    When I was in the 6th grade 1 Bff was a freshman in highschool (sadly she passed away that year in a car accident), and the other bff just graduated highschool (we moved & she got pregnant which then my parents said I couldnt hang with her--DUMB!)

    I would let them be friends, just keep the communication open between u & your dd.. obviously she trust she can talk to you about this stuff.. If you make her not hang out with her anymore. she may not want to keep that communication going.
    Kids are doing things younger these days. I started my period in the 3rd grade... And was "dating" boys. Lost my virginity at age 12 (6th grade).. So its not her age really you have to worry about. Its the individual..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Mommatasha you are scaring THE SHIT out of me! Im just so overprotective...but damn 12 girl? That lil girl is 12! Im just going to minimize their get togethers.
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 12:46 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Keeping them apart won't really help. You don't think girls talk? Many of her school friends probably have older sisters, and the sisters talk to them, they talk to their friends. It was like that when I was younger, and nothing has changed. Not to mention sex is on TV constantly, as well as in books, movies, music, etc.
    mancosmomma

    Answer by mancosmomma at 12:49 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • true true...but I have parental control on her tv and also the computer. And books and music is no problem because I monitor that also. Now at school............
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 12:52 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Well, its not really that this girl is bad or being a bad influence at all, its just that your seeing the age difference show up BIG TIME. As your daughter gets older, it wont seem like such a big difference, but it does now. I would be a bit peeved that a 12 yr old informed my daughter on things that she should be talking to me about. Also if shes talking to her about that type of thing, then as she gets older, shes likely to fill her in on other things as she learns them too. I wouldnt cut off their friendship, but maybe you should make them play in a supervised location such as the living room. Then maybe you could suggest activities for them that keep you involved such as baking cookings or something. I think I would just limit her time with her. Don't let her run off to her house either. We have a neighbor that is only about 10 mos older than my dd, but not only does she know more, her home is run differently than mine.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 12:52 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • ** so we dont allow our daughter at her house. They smoke and drink heavily and use foul langauge. My daughter is just not comfortable at their home and their daughter seems to love it at my house, so she spends large amts of time with us. I am fine with that.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 12:54 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Well, period stuff wouldn't bother me much as long as the things she was telling her were true. The boyfriend and kissing part would worry me. I know kids do things at a young age now, but where are her parents when they're off making out? I just don't understand...
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 1:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • This too is happening at our house. The neighbor girl is a couple years older then my sons. On one hand, she is great because she engages them in good imaginative play, but, on the other hand, she's been "out in the world" longer then my boys.

    I had a talk with her, about the age difference, and that somethings are not appropriate for my kids. She understood just fine. I keep an ear on the conversations, and they are only allowed to play in my yard. I also don't have a problem with letting her know when she has said or done something I don't feel is appropriate.

    my4lads

    Answer by my4lads at 1:06 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

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