Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do I do?

I've been in bed the last 2 weeks due to a broken knee cap. My mom lives 20 mins away and I metioned today that I haven't been able to wash my hair in 2 weeks and she offered to come and help. I tell my DH and he gets upset and says that my mom thinks that he can't take care of me. Yes my mom is still a little upset that he didn't take off when I had my surgery but she hasn't said anything to him about it. My mom hasn't come to help out a lot after offering to take our kids for the weekend and he asked why no one thinks that he can take care of our kids, which he said he was just joking when he said it, but he is hard to read sometimes. She doesn't want to intrude but wants to help and he feels like I'm trying to make him look like a bad husband by asking her to come and help me. What do I do?

Answer Question
 
txmom1021

Asked by txmom1021 at 12:31 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • He sounds way to sensitive to me. Why don't you just tell him to chill out and that he can't do everything, and this is not about him. He is doing is best, but sometimes even the proud need helpl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Take the help from anyone you can get it from. But only if they're doing it out of their own generosity, not to make another look bad. So if she's thinking/acting like that, you probably shouldn't have her over. That would only add fuel to an already beginning fire (with what you're thinking). Maybe he was nervous about taking time from work for various reasons....especially with the job market being what it is. Maybe you didn't really tell him you need help, you just assumed he was a mind reader. There are too many variables. You're probably a little on edge too from being stuck in bed for 2 weeks!
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 12:34 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Tell you husband to grow up and reassury him that he is a great husband and father. He doesn't want to feel inadequate and like he can't take care of his family. Just be very reassuring and let him know that it is ok to accept thelp. Good luck to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Hmmm...tell him to GET OVER it? Just because your mom offers to help does NOT mean he's not capable. It means he gets a break.

    It also means you are still your mom's baby and you always will be. Moms are that way.

    When I had my gall bladder out, I actually recuperated at my parents' house since DH was working two hours away. It was easier for everyone to have me stay there for the couple of days that I couldn't really walk around, so that my mom had all the things she needed right there and didn't have to go up and down my staircase. It didn't mean my husband wasn't capable of caring for me, it meant he was able to concentrate on work which was after all his main job.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • He needs to get over himself, and stop taking things so personal, not everything in the world is a dirrect blow to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • She is your mom.One day she will be gone from this life and you will miss her.Tell him to just get over it and let your mom baby you.Wish mine was able to baby me still.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:16 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Why didn't you ask your husband to wash your hair? You just happened to mention it hadn't been washed, of course she is going to offer to help. Let your husband help you more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Right...why didn't ask him to wash your hair. Is he insecure? Sounds like it....get him more involved in helping you and then maybe he'll learn to appreciate your mother's help.
    NJMom2Tyler

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 1:46 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I feel for everyone in this equation. I'd bet the old John Deere that your husband just couldn't afford to take time off and now he feels guilty about it, and he really shouldn't. Just explain that you see how hard he's working and your mother wanted to help take some of the pressure off.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 2:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Thanks to all the replies! In response as to why I didn't ask my husband, everytime I would start to the kids would need something or he would start talking about how tired he was, and I would think of when I had days like those and wouldn't want to burden him with something like washing my hair. That's why when my mom offered I accepted. DH always thinks that if he asks for help from someone other than me, then they will think that he is weak. My mom and my DH are constantly worrying if they have made each other mad and it is difficult to deal with sometimes and I guess I was feeling very emotional this morning when I wrote this due to having to depend on people to do everything for me when I am used to being the one taking care of everything.
    txmom1021

    Answer by txmom1021 at 5:15 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.