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my children are 4+ and 3 they always are fighting and yelling at each other,what is the best way to fix this. it is driving me nuts and it causes us soooooo much anxiety

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LUCYLAND

Asked by LUCYLAND at 2:21 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • I don't think there's an overnight fix, but there are things you can do. First is helping teach them conflict resolution. It's a skill and doesn't come naturally. Help them dialogue about their feelings in a more respectful way, and help them work out a compromise. Eventually they will learn to do these things on their own but to start you have to get involved. If we've tried working it out and they still can't get along, I tell them that if they can't get along they shouldn't play together and redirect them into seperate activities. If they still want to be in each other's space and fight, I send them to their own rooms and tell them they are not allowed to play together for the rest of the day (or sometimes "until lunch" etc....)
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Here's what I suggest: "A Children's Book About Fighting" by Joy Wilt Berry. Check it out at the library if you can and read it with both kids. Talk about some of the solutions it offers and see if it can help in your situation.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 2:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Seperate them and don't allow them to play together for awile...even when they want to. When they're whining to play together explain that playing together is a priviledge not a right. That unless they can respect the priviledge they aren't allowed to have it. Then let them back together. Each time they start to fight repeat the process. It'll get to the point where all you have to do is mention they aren't respecting the priviledge and they'll straighten up.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 2:39 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I have the same problem with my three and four year old and my 9 and 10 year old, its exhausting. I just ignore it until it gets loud, I listen to the fight and determine whos doing what and I put them both in time out, (5-10 mins) then I make them play a game together where I can see them, if it starts up again then I seperate them to read or watch a movie, and this has help tremendously.
    momma_4_kids

    Answer by momma_4_kids at 2:45 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I agree. Make them stop, face each other and discuss at length every time they do it. They will knock it off just to avoid that.
    kara_g.

    Answer by kara_g. at 3:48 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I know this may sound a little ridiculous, but when my kids can't get along I make them stand face-to-face and hold a piece of paper between their noses...hugging each other. (for about 5 min) I tell them that they are brother and sisters and they are supposed to love each other. It can be pretty cute sometimes.
    codyann831

    Answer by codyann831 at 3:52 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

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