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What do i do when my 5 and 3 year old throw fits, without spanking them?

My five year old three year old throw alot of fits when they dont get their way what do i do without spanking them?

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Asked by MommyOf4Nhappy at 3:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (14)
  • Time out. 1 min for every year old they are. I do it with my son and he is getting the hang of it. Also ignoring it.

    Answer by rememberm3alway at 3:38 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Well I am a firm believer of spaking the child. However if you don't want to spank them then try time out. Try sending them to their room, try taking things from them, try taking the tv away, try taking things they love away as a punishment. I mean we have tried everything with my 4 year old son who loves to throw fits and we would even whoop him but he knew when he got a whoopking that we were feed up with it and he was not going to act like that b/c it was very ugly. He wouldn't stay in time out or his room - it didn't bother him to take things away. Every kid is different. What works for your 5 year old may not work for your 3 year old. You just have to try new things.

    Answer by momwifelove at 4:09 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • When you say "throw fits" can you be more specific as to their actions? It would help. Thanks!

    Answer by kara_g. at 4:57 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • My daughter is two, and i believe once walking start punishing. we have a "time out" bench in our home. My father made us a cute lil bench that says, "time out." Alas, i dont have a set time limit, but we will keep placing her on it until she sits their calmly and with out crying after a few wks she will just sit their when something wrong is done, even if we dont catch it, she herself will go and sit their. It works, out family and friends says she is the BEST mannered child. you can take her anywhere without the worry of her getting into things, or wanting everything! getting into grandmas china, you know? try it!

    Answer by JoslinIrene77 at 5:39 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Take away a special toy or food they love until they can learn to not act like that, Timeout

    Answer by MommaM2 at 5:42 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • If you never give in to the fits they will stop having them. If they think they can get their way by throwing a fit then they will keep trying. Just calmly repeat what ever it is "I said no cookies until after lunch." and then ignore them (the best you can!) Don't get mad and yell, that just makes it fun for them.

    I highly recommend the 1-2-3 Magic program. You can get the book or dvd at amazon or wherever they sell books and dvds, or go to the website:

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 9:59 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • First: prevention. Anything that is predictable is preventable!! Figure out what situations and times are most troublesome, and see if there is something that can be done in advance. Meet the need - find out the underlying need of the tantrum, use HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired)... if they are hungry or tired, fix that before anything else, and make sure you don't miss naptime or forget snacks in the future. If they are angry, frustrated, etc, help them work through those feelings. If you were having a breakdown over something dumb, how would you want your loved ones to react? Probably with an element of understanding and compassion, no matter how much you were overreacting. My philosophy is that a child who is acting out needs more parenting, not less. And tantrums are rarely about candy bars or toys... that might be the trigger, but there is almost always something else there. If you focus on the trigger, you ig

    Answer by Collinsky at 11:28 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • (Sorry) just to finish my sentence, if you focus on the trigger, you ignore the real need and you will continue to have these struggles - an unmet need does not go away.

    Answer by Collinsky at 11:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I would suggest telling your child "I understand you are frustrated because (blah blah blah) but you cannot have a tantrum because something didn't go your way". The HALT technique is good too. I know mine and my friends children of that age generally only throw a tantrum because of one of those reasons. Most of their problems are usually settled after after a snack or even a hug. When they are inconsolable and insist on pitching a fit we usually use a time out. My oldest, who is 7, even has a designated spot to go to when he needs to be left alone to get his temper under control. I've seen a great improvement in his attitude since we established this spot for him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Yes, like anon 12:01 said: a "time in" spot which is a safe, designated area where a child who is feeling out of control or angry can voluntarily go to to get calm is a great idea. The parent might even join the child in that spot for a cuddle and to help them sort out their feelings or find solutions - or just give them some breathing room. Making sure that other family members respect the "time in" space (sometimes called a "cuddle corner" or other positive name) and if the child goes to it, they aren't to be pestered by siblings, etc. Kind of a sanctuary.

    Answer by Collinsky at 12:10 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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