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Affirmation or being egotistical??

Me and my husband are having some issues. If it's not one thing it's another. We were sitting out on our porch the other day trying to discuss things and finally have some quiet time to talk things out when I asked him "Do you love me?" He said he did. I asked him exactly like this, "Why?Sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong and you don't love me anymore." He responded by saying he is NOT going to boost my ego my listing all these gushy reasons why he loves me. I was just wanting some affirmation of the reasons he still loves me (if he really does) So he told me to go ask my friends on that website you go to and ask them "If they have ever had to ask such an egotistical question." So....here I am.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • GUILTY!! I'VE ASKED MY HUSBAND THAT TOO.
    COOKY81

    Answer by COOKY81 at 4:08 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Nope your not being egotistical AT ALL. You just want to be reminded because it's easy to forget, especially when you not feeling the love. If you felt the love, then you may not need to be reminded. I often feel like my SO never says anything good about me. He doesn't belittle me or anything like that at all, but i never hear "you look pretty" or "your a very cool woman" . But he shows his love in other ways. He is very physically affectionate, & this makes me feel loved. I'm thinking HE thinks he doesn't have to say those things because i should already know.

    It's ok to ask why he loves you, it's not to boost your ego, it's to make sure he is telling you the TRUTH. If he has nothing to say about WHY he loves you, then it will make you wonder if he is for real.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:11 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Sometimes we need affirmation, and it is not egotistical but instead to the contrary, that the ego needs boosted and which is not a crime or a sin or even a misdemeanor. From someone we love, especially when we are feeling low, we look for comfort, not snide remarks. The snide remark, especially when you were feeling vulnerable and insecure, was unkind and arrogant, and egotistical itself. You were right to want affirmation especially if you are doubting his love. I wish that you and he would get counseling to deal with his problem of not being sensitive you your emotional needs. The way he answered was hurtful and did nothing towards reassuring you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:13 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I don't think your being at all egotistical. Sometimes the words just need to be said. some people will never know the power of that. How uplifting a kind word can be to others. It's not even that, the one that loves you should have a running list of how and why they love you. In a perfect world, I guess.
    MyNui07

    Answer by MyNui07 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • the last 3 answers are an email I received, it should apply to all woman not just over 40 i thought it was really smart!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Most men have a very hard time expressing feelings. It's easier to say a generic statement like, "I love you" and leave it at that. Men also tend to show their love more through actions. If he's taking care of the needs of the family, paying the bills, fixing the car, doing the yardwork, he probably expects you to see those things as proof of his love. I'm guessing he called you egotistical as a way to avoid having to show his deeper side. He may feel threatened by his own emotions and he probably doesn't analyze them the way we do. I'm not saying it was right to call you that. Men just don't seem to understand that we need those words of affirmation sometimes. They don't think about it the same way, they expect us to just know and feel offended when we question thier devotion. My advice would be try to see the little things he does to show his love instead of asking him to explain it. Men have an entirely different culture.
    moniquinha

    Answer by moniquinha at 4:48 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I'm gonna ask mine tonight!
    MommaM2

    Answer by MommaM2 at 5:28 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

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