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My son is very unsocial, he is 13 and has no friends, what do I do?

He claims he has tons of friends at school but never has them over after school or on weekends. He has one good friend he will play with. He does not want to be in any team sports (he is very athletic), he won't go on field trips with school, he is afraid to do things alone. The only thing he does like is world of warcraft which we limit. He is a good student although this year his grades have dropped. It depresses me to see him never socializing. Many of the boys he know go to the local skating rink every friday night to hang, he won't go. He won't go to any school dances. He is very small for his age, many of his classmates are already in puberty, he is not even close. I am at my wits end, I think it is very unhealthy to never be with other kids his age. Please help me.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • He probably has friends on WoW (world of warcraft) and I am SO SOOOO glad to hear that you limit his time on there. I used to is like its own universe. And my MIL is dealing with the same thing as you are with my BIL. He is almost 19, has no friends, and the only person he hangs out with is a 16 year old that also plays WoW. Its so unhealthy...and I don't know how much time you allow him to play, but my BIL was very active and had lots of friends pre-WoW, including girlfriends and friends he would go skateboard with. He no longer skates and is un-interested in girls, and it is all because of that stupid game.

    Sorry, I think that game is to blame for my BIL problems, and may possibly be related to your sons issues too. If you want to talk more with me about it, feel free to message me.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 4:12 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I say get him in a group , football, band, scouts, church, whatever it may be, find one. 13 is a pretty socialable age, he should have a friend. I read somewhere a quote that I am rather fond of, " It doesn't matter if you have a lot of friends, just as long as you have one good one. He needs social interaction, for his spirit, his self esteem, his mind. He needs to learn now how to deal with others and society and it would be great if he had a companion to do it with.

    Answer by MAMAMISTY33 at 4:16 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • My son likes to be home. He just turned 14. He plays world of warcraft too, LOL

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I would suggest that you be his very best friend, encourager and confidant. Spend plenty of time with him doing all sorts of fun things and he'll add other friends as he wants. If he has a good solid, loving relationship with his parents that is really all he needs at this point. He'll eventually mature and figure out what kind of people he is comfortable befriending. I wouldn't pressure him just love and work to understand him, Communication and trust are essential.


    Answer by lilhoney at 9:22 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I have always told my kids they'd have to do at least 1 sport or extracirricular activity, and I'd try to impose that now. Maybe your doctor could kind of 'order' him to take up a sport ... for his health. You could leave the choice up to him.

    Even if he doesn't seem unhappy or depressed (I assume, or you'd have mentioned it), it isn't good that he doesn't socialize other than the hours in school, and its only going to be harder the longer he waits.

    Another suggestion might be something you both join something together where there are other parents and kids. I can't think of many options like this, but perhaps a group trip/tour, a hiking club, volunteer for a charity org, etc.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 7:52 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I would meet with his teachers and the school counselor. There could be a bullying, or other, issue going on at school that you don't know about.

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:06 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • we just moved to a new town ayear and 1/2 at that same age. My son was fine in his old town lots of friends always out. doing sports etc. parties, things to do on friday and saturday night. Unfortunately I moved him at a difficult age kids don't want anything to do with him at his new school. He is treated like the plague. My other son is doing fine but he is 16 and i think kids are more mature at that age. Being small and smart and not there puberty wise is a big issue with kids. I think it is so unfair and I want to move back where he is loved.

    Answer by gblume at 8:56 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I think the key lies in the warcraft game. Try taking that away altogether and see what happens.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:50 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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