Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can i raise my family with someone i don't really lke?

Jack and i have been together on and off for about 8 yrs now and the boys are 18mo, i moved out for six month when they were 5monthold and we made up and i came back at 13 mo,, he is a great provider wonderfull with the kids... I'm not looking to break up and raise these kids on my own, but Jack is nothing i ever wanted for myself and i was hoping some ladies could give me some advice or ideas on how to cope in a situation like this!

 
mirit.rose

Asked by mirit.rose at 5:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • My opinion is a little different than the other ladies. If he doesn't treat you badly, and is a good man, not a drunk or abusive, ect. You can both get along okay in front of the kids, I think that is what is important. Don't stay if you guys fight constantly. That is not good for the kids. Try to remind yourself of what you loved about him at one time and build on that. Spend your time doing things for yourself, like hobbies, time with friends, taking your kids to the park,ect. Your life does not need to center on your man. Or perhaps, don't know what your relationship is like, or how he feels about you, but maybe live like roomates that raise the kids together? I think the main thing is keeping the tension and fighting out of the home. If you can do that and he is a decent guy, I think you are better off staying. Love is over-rated. You may find a man you love that is not good to you also. Ultimately the choice is up to you.
    Allie428

    Answer by Allie428 at 6:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Personally I don't think staying together just for the kids is ever a good idea. If you are unhappy being in an intimate relationship with him, then there isn't really anything you can do to make yourself happy. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you and I do commend you on putting your feelings of unhappiness aside for your children but I think in the long run, they will have a better life if their mommy is happy...instead of just pretending she is.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 5:19 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Why have kids with someone you don't like? You must like something
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I left after 15 years because I wasn't in love - couldn't stand the thought of living the rest of my life with my ex after our daughter grew up. I'm so much happier now. However, my 13 year old is still upset that we broke up and after 3 years still can't accept it. My ex is bitter too. It is a falsehood that children would rather see you happy. They would rather see you with your ex. Even if it was a horrible marriage. Be ready for some fallout from the kids when you do leave. It WILL NOT be easy and you will be riddled with guilt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • If you're not happy now, it will end sooner or later. Better to do it now in a civil manner. You won't be raising them alone if he's a good father. I thought I could stand my ex for my daughter's sake, but he isn't for me. What really made me leave was his lazy selfishness. But you don't need an excuse. If you don't love him, you don't love him. As anon said above, it won't be easy. Separations are ugly. But you gotta do what you gotta do. MAKE IT work for your kids. Don't think that there's no way to properly raise them with separated parents. If you and your SO both care about them, you'll make it work.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 5:45 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • OK. First of, you can't be so selfish, you have kids but staying with someone that you dont have feelings for is unhealthy, and it reflects on your children, is that what you want them to learn about love? Daddy is a good supporter so that's all that matters? I would count the losses and move on, if he is so wonderful, maybe you should consider leaving the children with him, (not trying to come of as a bitch) but seriously, girl how can you be so selfish? Think of his feelings to, how would you feel if he was saying that about you? Their are many men in this world, and honestly why wait for another to come along, go out and enjoy yourself as a single mom, it's not that bad, maybe you will realize that what ever bothers you about him isnt truly so bad? i dunno? i wouldnt just stick around for the kids. The kids will be happy where ever they are, and thankful mummy n daddy arent making it "work!"
    JoslinIrene77

    Answer by JoslinIrene77 at 6:19 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • If he is as wonderful with the kids, and as good a provider as you think, then he will continue to provide for and be wonderful with the kids if you break up. Staying together for the kids is not the best thing for anyone involved, including and especially the kids. My concern is that you say he is nothing you ever wanted, and you've been on and off for 8 yrs. How will you explain this to your kids? "Daddy is nothing like the man I pictured myself with, but I went ahead and stayed with him for 8 yrs and made you guys, even though I didn't really want to be with him." I'm kind of wondering if maybe you're telling yourself this to make it easier to leave. I'm assuming you aren't married, but maybe consider some marriage counseling, just to see if there isn't still something between you guys that can be fixed and maybe you can be happy with him. Or at least, you'll know you tried everything and that there's really nothing there.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • "Jack is nothing i ever wanted for myself" Well, what did you want? Why did you have kids with him if he's not what you want?
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 6:41 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I think you should stay with Jack for your kids best interest.as long asyou two can be at least nice to each other.Maybe someday you will feel differently about him.I love my husband for 2 weeks of the month and for the other 2 weeks, I can't stand him.but we get along and don't fight.and our son is happy.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 6:54 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Live together as roommates. You have your life. He has his but you still live in the same home with the kids. It worked for me and my kid's dad. We didn't bring other ppl home though. That would have been disrespectful but we did see other ppl.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:54 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN