Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My step son moved back!

My 17yo step son moved back in this weekend, because his mom is a POS. Last time he was here he was in loads of trouble...smoking, stealing, he even stole a truck at 14 and drove it 200 miles!!! Anyway, he is a nice kid when he wants to be, but he has NO friends and he cant get back into this high school, he will be 18 in a couple of months, he is just plain going no where! I feel bad because he is df son but we have other kids to think about! how can I make sure DF holds to our rules and what kind of consequences should we have on a 17 yo. Df says he feels like everyone just wants him to give up on his son, I dont I just dont want his son disrupting the home more than it already is! Oh and did I mention he has even punched his dad in the face before, in front of my kids? frustrating!

Answer Question

Asked by 6kids1man at 6:59 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (35 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Not sure what exactly your looking for. What I did in this situation is sat down with husband and SS and told them this is the deal. I did this with my 19 y/o stepson after he moved back in and I didnt want him there. I told them both what was going to happen and if I found him smoking pot or having pot in my home then one of us would be leaving and it would not be me. I told him and his father that If I felt my daughter was ever in jeapordy because I felt he was selling drugs he would have the cops called on him. That he had one month to find a job and we will not buy his cigarettes or gas money. We would give him gas money for job interviews. If he was not activly working in a month he needed to leave. Bottom line. I told my husband that if he didnt like it then I could leave with our daughter and him and his son could split the house payment.

    This is totally up to you. The ball is in your court.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 7:11 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • married him knowing he had a child, I understand that this could cause some problems in the house, but if this was your biological son would you choose to not have them around (hope that came out right).

    You and your husband have to be on the same page, the rules and consequences should be spelled out from the very beginning, this way there is no confusion on what is expected from everybody. The rules should be whatever rules you would have for your kids..curfews, chores, language ect,... but don't forget to ask what he wants of you guys, some of his request will be unreasonable, some won't, but meet in the middle.

    This won't be easy, but it sounds like life hasn't always been good to him and trust and respect have to be earned. Most kids just naturally respect thier parents as they grow older, doesn't sound like he has had that opportunity, be patient and good luck.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 7:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Lucky

    YES if any child in my house acts that way they would be put in military school. Once they were 18 the consequences for NOT following the rules of the house AND NOT being a law abiding citiizen would be the same.

    It's called tough love.

    And if he's not in school he's working, end of story.

    Giving up on your son is letting him mooch off you and become a criminial high school drop out with no consequences or sanctions in the home.

    Answer by Praying at 10:13 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Family counseling? And why can't he get into school? Try a technical college for him to take high school classes to earn his equivelancy diploma.

    Don't give up on him, he needs you and your SO to help him out. Sounds like he had a hard life.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I think what you have here is a boy who has lacked stability in his life and who has never been taught that the circumstances of his life are in no way his fault. However, he is approaching adulthood, and regardless of what his life has been like up until now, he is now responsible for himself. Children need to grow up knowing that they are protected and important to someone. When that doesn't happen, they have no purpose or meaning in life. That's exactly where I think this young man is. He is angry, and the fact that he punched your husband is probably an indication that a lot of his anger is felt toward his dad. Your step-son probably needs help from someone who has insight into how he got to the point where he is today. That kind of help is hard to find, but it is available. Unfortunately, his past has made him into what he is today, and it will not be easily nor quickly fixed.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:42 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Dont give up!! If i was you i would tell him your not going to punch your dad again. God gave you a dad and a stepmom for us to guide you and tell you that were here for you and let you know what your doing is bad. He needs some perfessional help like couseling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.