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Maybe it is my fault?

My 2 and half year old son won't stop hitting me. If someone makes him mad he runs over and hits me! When I tell him he can not have something he hits me and now spits at me. My mom says its because I won't spank him. Is it really me? Occasionally I spank him but I can not bring myself to always spank him. I was brought up being spanked and yelled at. I know what I lived and I refuse to let my kids feel the same as I did growing up! What can I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (8)
  • It sounds like you need to do something to have him understand that when you say stop- you mean it. It doesn't have to be spanking, find what works best for the both of you. Send him to bed, timeout, stand in a corner for 2 minutes, take stuff away from him~ whatever.... Make sure it is something that you WILL be able to do everytime he does that behavior. Consistency is the key. Good Luck :)
    nikkileerue

    Answer by nikkileerue at 8:25 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • you can inform your mom that it has nothing to do with spanking. i spank (ive actually found differerent ways to disapline because i dont like to spank) and my son still hits. he is 2 and when i have asked about it, i am told its a phase. tell your son (this is what i do and it helps-doesnt stop it completely but cuts back on it alot) "ohhh you hurt momma. we dont hit, we love the momma." if it works the way it does with my son, it may distract him and make him aware that it makes you sad. if he does hit you, continue to tell him that it hurt momma and makes momma sad and maybe he will start to love on you instead of hitting. good luck and i really hope this helps :) send me a message anytime
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 8:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Thats the problem mom, no consistancy. He is pushing his limits and you are letting him get away with it. You'd better "nip it in the bud" before he gets big enough to really cause some problems.

    Spanking doesnt have to be a yelling hitting match. I spank mine in patience and love. I stop, calm down, tell them what they did wrong, tell them how to do it better, spank and put them in time out.

    Some may call it overkill, but let me tell you, the first time my kid spits on me, would be the last. Their little world stops spinnin cause mommas serious.

    He thinks you are a joke, prove him wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • It sounds to me like he is bringing his emotions to you. At 2, even if he's very verbal for his age, he doesn't have the concepts to process his emotions, and doesn't have the words to express what's going on with him. He feels anger, sadness, frustration, powerlessness, and doesn't know what to do with them. You're his "safe place" to take those big, bad, nasty feelings to. That's not a bad thing!
    When he hits you, stop his hands/feet/mouth gently but firmly. Acknowledge his feeling: "You are feeling so mad right now! You want to hit and hit and hit! You want to yell! You are so angry. Let's find a way to calm down." Breathe with him, get him calm. (Which means YOU can't let your negative emotions overwhelm YOU. You have to be an example of how to deal with frustration for him.) Then find solutions - does he need a nap, a snack, or help? Just a break from what was overwhelming him? Also try to see if some can be prevented.
    Collinsky

    Answer by Collinsky at 8:32 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I suggest spank him or he'll keep doing it. Don't beat his *ss but let him know that you are mommy and hitting you and spitting at you is absolutely unacceptable. You have to start young or they will not respect you when they are older. Don't let him grow to be a little brat. Take charge and be his mom. Put him in check.
    mamofive

    Answer by mamofive at 9:14 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • So if he hits you then you should hit him to teach him that hitting isn't OK? On what planet does that make sense?

    Couple of approaches that will work. Make him understand that it upsets you, a little pretend crying and a short explanation of why his actions make you sad. Hold his hand and tell him if he's going to use his hand to hit you then he can't use it. As soon as he hits you just pick him up, put him in time out and walk away. That last one works because they're usually doing it to get attention so when it has the opposite effect it's no longer a desirable behavior.
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 9:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I would think if you spanked him, he would think it's ok to hit, since you hit him. I have a very assertive, aggressive son, that, if spanked, would make it 10 times worse. I don't think spanking is the answer for a child with your sons personality.


    Try reading the book  "Love and Logic Parenting". It uses key phrases to get your attention, it uses time outs and lets you feel in control without losing your cool. It teaches your child to make good choices and prepares them for making good decisions when they are teens and adults.


    There is a group here on Cafemom that can help you get started


    http://www.cafemom.com/group/9750

    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 9:39 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Just be consistant with time outs. They work. It just takes time. Even the small things. Let him know he is wrong. Start a sticker chart for the good things. It WORKS. I PROMISE YOU!!! You have to stick with it forever. Make a certain corner the time out corner, or get a mat that you can use for it, or a stair, or buy a new chair, or bean bag. ANYTHING that can represent bad behavior. Every time give him a warning. Everytime he ignores the warning, time out. EVERYTIME he does something "good" or handles a situation "good" (even just the slightest better from what it is now) give him a sticker. When he has a row filled, get him a new toy, or outfit, or take him to McDonalds with a play land. It works wonders and I hope things get better for you momma =] =] =] =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 11:38 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

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