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Question for you younger, open minded folks

From me, an older mother, needs advice. My single daughter is moving in with friend, both have children, friend has been arrested for pot in the past. They say they are wanting to move in together to help each other stay on the good side of life and not get involved with bad guys. Question is, is this possible? I am scared for her and the grandbabies being around questionnable folks. Am I being too narrow minded. Should I back off and let them be?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yes, it is possible. Give her a chance, if you see things that she shouldn't be doing, then act accordingly. People do grow up and change, they learn from their mistakes. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:37 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • NO, I am only 24 and the only thing that is going to happen is that they are both going to help each other lie to you (grandparents) about being clean and hiding the truth. If she is under 18 I'd put my foot down.

    Answer by southernstyle88 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Being a young mom, I think of my baby first. I think you are right for worrying about your grandbabies. If she was arrested for pot in the past then most likely she could be arrested again. If the kids are in the house when they do arrest her, then they will take the babies no matter what the situation is.

    Answer by Babyboybundle at 10:02 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Yea, I think you are being a tad narrow minded. If they are close enough to talk about moving in together and helping each other out with their babies, then I think they are being smart about it. Even if this other girl has been busted for weed. Maybe she's trying to take a turn for the better? You can probably even have sit down talk with them and see what their plans are for the next couple of years and try to put your mind at ease. Be gentle about it though, and don't make any accusations or assume anything. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • No I do not think you are being narrow-minded. Unfortunately when good kids try to be good influences on the bad ones...the opposite usually ends up happening. I would talk to your daughter and tell her is this really the best decision for her babies? I would think she would want to keep her children away from questionable ppl not move them in with them. You have a right to be concerned and I wouldn't back down from the gut feeling you have that this might be a bad idea...instincts are usually right.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 10:07 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Stay connected to them. But let your daughter prove herself. You can't stop her from doing what she wants but you could shove her away if you're not careful.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:08 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Well, they are 18...they are definitely going to party!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Narrow minded for thinking someone who messed up before MAY do so again? No. Narrow minded for ASSUMING she will? Yes. Narrow minded for thinking 2 single moms can't properly raise children JUST because they're single? Yes. Narrow minded for being concerned? Never. If you are that worried, offer yourself. Tell your daughter to move in with you and that you will be her helpful, good influence. Treat her as an adult and with respect. Try to stay focused on the important issue at hand- the children. Bond through co-mothering. Disapproval alone will do nothing. My mother hates my parenting ways. But she offers no help at all. So what she thinks doesn't matter to me.

    Answer by jus1jess at 10:30 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Personally, I would worry. They'll still be dating and probably letting men stay the night. That would bug the heck out of me! Children need stability...and hopefully these two girls will have it set up so NO men are allowed to sleep over...period! The kids will pick up on it.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 10:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Depends on the age. Honestly. I would keep a close eye, and stop by a few times in the early morning when you know the kids are up. Make sure both moms are up(unless one works a night shift or something), and there aren't any beer cans or anything to do with pot sticking out or anything. It is a scary thing. I've been through it VERY recently with myself and a "friend". It didn't turn out so good. Please keep a close eye, but don't assume anything till you see it for your self. I hope everything goes well. I'll pray for you indefinitely. =] =] =] =]

    Answer by mommykayti at 11:30 PM on Apr. 1, 2009