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does your child prefer to go to time outs instead of cooperating?

my 3 year old is very stubborn. and when i give her the option of going to time out of talking it out, she'll say "TIME OUT!" and go to her corner and mouth off and yell at me from across the room. how do i deal with that?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (8)
  • My son does that...and he's 2 1/2 . He sits his little butt in his time out chair until he stops being rude and he has to say i'm ready to be nice and give me a hug, and it has lasted several hours. the trick is to remind him why he is there every few minutes...As in " Are you ready to say sorry for throwing your toys and be nice" And he usually says no. for the first few times

    Answer by AShleyvpimpin at 1:52 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • It sounds like what has happened is that there is a power struggle going on... and at about that age, one of the most important things for a child is to realize and learn their personal power (this is not a negative "child as little lord" kind of thing - it is a necessary part of becoming an independent individual and functioning part of society). So yes: it is more important to the child to exert what little power they can than it is to avoid punishment or pain. For an experiment, try working cooperatively with the child instead of trying to enforce your will over theirs... it might take some practice and a couple days for the child to trust that you are sincere, but it generally works very well, very quickly. If you escalate your punishments, you are simply feeding into the power struggle, and then you will feel like you're fighting with your child all the time. That can be avoided entirely by choosing a different approach

    Answer by Collinsky at 11:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • lol my daughters the same way...she always sends herself to her room..i say no stay here and talk abd she screams NO IM GOING TO MY ROOOOOM!! soo..i dont argue with her...sometimes they just need time to settle themselves down..i go and check up on her in 5 minutes, and then shes ready to talk..

    Answer by alexis_06 at 1:35 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Time out doesn't start until she's quiet. Make her stand in a corner (or spot) instead of sitting (they get tired quicker). Don't have a set amount of time. It's very easy for them when they know they're just going to get out in a little bit...there's a reward, "release"...and then it's over.

    When she's ready to come apologize for how she spoke to you, when she's ready to do what she was told, when she's ready to talk it over with you, etc...then she can get out. BUT...she has to do SOMETHING when she gets out of time out, not just be let out. If she's ready in 30 seconds, great....if it's 30 minutes, so be it.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 5:33 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Power Struggle! Be firm and consistant in punishment! Give stickers, popsicles or something when they are good. My grandchildren wouldn't stay in timeout. Every time they came out, we would Physically put them back and add another minute to the punishment. Also if they were crying or yelling the time started over. They had to be quiet and stand with their nose in the corner. You put them there one minute for every year of their life. If they are 3 then 3 minutes. Add to it if they don't stay and if that don't work, take away privaliges and toys for a day or two until they are good again before returning them to them.
    I myself believe in spankings! I think that if you don't spank your children that you are spoiling them and making them worse. There are times when the above works and there are times I believe a good ol spanking works best.
    Good Luck!

    Answer by coke2pep at 10:07 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I respect everybody's opinions and their right to do what they believe to be best for their children but be selective and choose your sources wisely. It is advice by experts in child development and child psychologist to put your children in time out only after you have explained them how the system works, aka. time out means you are quiet sit in this spot and you will remain here until your time expires. One minute per year (not half an hour) then, give a warning, this is your warning if you choose to behave like this (Be specific about what she is doing) then you will earn a time out and time doesn't start counting until you are quiet, so it's up to you. I hope you will make a wise choice and choose to be here with us having fun but it is up to you. Empower your child to make the choice of stopping the behavior or going to time out. Absolutely, no punishment use the incident as an opportunity to teach desirable behavio

    Answer by bebita at 1:12 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I don't know how the word punishment and child can be utilized in the same sentence yet some people just use it and act on it without fully understanding the implications and ramifications of it.

    Just like I said before: Be selective and let your mother instinct guide you. Your child is in a crucial developmental stage and how you handle her outbursts will impact the kind of relationship you will develop with her for years to come. As parents we all want the best for our children so do your best, your absolutely best and remember that this is just temporary, she will outgrow it.

    Answer by bebita at 1:16 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • If she is yelling at you from her place in time out, you must IGNORE this behavior. The way time out works is that she is having "time away" from the rest of the family to calm herself and think about her behavior. If you give her attention during the time out with alot of discussion about her behavior or constantly telling her to be quiet, you are giving her the attention she wants. If she goes to her room, she will have things to play with and that will only reinforce her bad behaviorAs she starts to quiet down, be ready to acknowledge her time is up when her 3 minutes is up. If she gets up from her place before the time is over go to her and calmly and quietly "help" her sit back down. Give no eye contact or say anything. Good Luck!

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 6:21 PM on Apr. 2, 2009