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Privacy question.

If you had a grown stepchild in your home, and you smelled weed, would you search the room.

For the record I DID, and found some right away in the 1st spot I looked.
In a way I feel bad, but another I feel total disrespect. Since before she came, we told her no drugs in the house. She knows how we are so she should not be shocked.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Apr. 1, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (9)
  • It's YOUR home and she knows the rules. Dad needs to set her straight and keep close tabs on her as long as she is living there. If she doesn't want rules, then she needs to find another place to live!
    madsmom11597

    Answer by madsmom11597 at 11:30 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Your house your rules. It doesn't matter how old she is. If you don't want these things in your home than she should respect that. And if she can't...than she can get out.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:30 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • my step brother got kicked out for this... its your house you have to do whats right, she wont be held responsible if the cops searched your house and found it and she blamed it on you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • ORIGINAL POSTER

    ANON: 11:33 here a kick for you. My husband IS a cop.

    He kicked her out, she has to the weekend to be gone.

    She kept saying. I'm an adult and I can't believe you went through my stuff. I said your stuff in MY house. He said if your such and adult why don't you start acting like one instead of just saying it.

    I just wanted someone to give me some light on her defense (her stuff/privacy) because I just can't see it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • Sorry, she's wrong. Yes, if I lived with my parents, I would fully expect them to respect my privacy and not go thru my stuff. But, if they had reason to believe that I was doing something that was wrong or could hurt me or someone else in my family, then I would also fully expect them to do something about it, including go thru my stuff. And I wouldn't be mad about them doing it, unless I got busted for doing something wrong. Well, I might be mad that they didn't trust me, but that's only b/c I wouldn't do anything wrong.

    Your step daughter can be mad all she wants, the fact is she brought something into your home that you made clear you didn't want there. If you'd said you went thru her stuff b/c you were bored or just felt like it, that would be wrong, and her defense would be valid. But you had reason to believe she had something she was told was not welcome in your home-totally valid reason to go thru her stuff.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:29 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • It is your home. In the event that the police would come to your house and find drugs, I'm pretty sure that you would be held accountable for them having been in your home. So, strictly from a legal standpoint, you have to know what's in your house. Privacy does not matter a whit. I would probably be looking every day and destroying what I found. I'm not planning on going to jail for anyone else, and I don't think you should either. If she keeps bringing it in, I might consider calling the police and telling them what I found. Maybe they will come and arrest her, and she will learn that what she is doing is going to cost her dearly. Something needs to get her attention before she totally ruins her life.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:53 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Thank you ladies for taking the time to answer my question. I really hope she will learn that it was the right thing for me to do, but I won't hold my breath.

    Thanks again!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Oh yes, without hesitation and guilt. I searched my sons' rooms and I never smelled pot. They knew that at any time without warning I was subject to "clean". They also knew that their dad and I viewed our home as "not theirs" and they would grow up and move out and leave us with the mess they created by not being respectful of our home. They were just there temporarily so - no drugs, no destruction of the rooms, no breaking the furniture, no drinking, etc. I didn't want to have to repair and replace after they left.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I am on my mothers account, but i am 18 years old and before i moved out my father and step-mother used to do random searches in my room when they suspect that I was up to something. Thats your house and your rules, you have all right to be searching their room. They know the rules you set and if their gonna break them they know that their are concequences that they have to face. If they don't like the rules that you have set, they are old enough to get their stuff and leave.
    Ronette43

    Answer by Ronette43 at 3:59 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

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