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At what age should I talk to my 10 year old about sex?

She will be in Middle School in two years. At that time she will be 12 years old. Any suggestions?

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Asked by mom212103 at 2:58 AM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (14)
  • Ask her if she knows what it is. Best to get the basics out of the way. Probably go more in depth with it about latter eleven more like twelve! Tell her about all the risks, diseases etc.

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 3:29 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I don't think there's any one time to have "the talk". I think that you should be having a lot of "mini talks", starting now. They don't have to be big deals or anything, and it can be spurred by things like, for example, the movie Juno. Or anything else like that, a movie, some passing comment on tv or made by a friend, something you might see at the mall or the grocery, etc.

    Because honestly, there are girls her age having their periods already, and you might be surprised by what she thinks she already knows.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:37 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • cont
    My dd was really great with the mini talks, and she would ask me questions at different times over the yrs. My ds, while he would ask questions, really didn't want to have a lot of mini talks, or a Z"big talk" for that matter. He said he already knew it all and didn't want to talk about it. LOL - we said that was fine, but we wanted to make sure that what he knew was true. So he could either listen to what his dad had to say, and if he had any questions they could talk about it, or he could explain it to dad, so we knew what he knew. LOL - he opted to listen to what his dad had to say ;-)

    A friend of mine found a book that talked about it that she liked, left it on her ds's bed, and told him that she left a book that she wanted him to read, and if he had any questions, he could ask. That worked for her.

    But do it before Jr high, there are kids having sex that age - even if she doesn't, she could know pple who do.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:41 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I would wait until she asks questions. Then I would give her honest answers. I would have been for some time talking to her about marriage and the kind of man that makes a good husband and a good daddy. Hopefully, you can use your own marriage and husband and her father as an example. I call it sowing seeds. You cannot begin too early to teach the sanctity of marriage and the home. Then it's a simple transition to talking about sex as a part of marriage when she begins to think more in those terms.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:34 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Absolutely, Yes. Ask her what she knows and then talk about the basic. First kiss and see how she reacts to it. It is very important that she feels connected to you now and comfortable to discuss anything. She will be hearing from other kids and their older siblings so it's best to speak to her now. Keep it simple but open the door.

    Answer by iglooislandkids at 9:16 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Go with your gut instinct on whether or not you feel she's "ready" to hear about it. Some kids just aren't mature enough to handle the sex talk at that age. I would always be honest with her. If she has questions, be truthful and don't make her feel ashamed that she asked. When my daughter was 11, I bought a book about a girl's changing body and it gave the very basics on sex. I gave it to her, told her to read it, and any questions she had, feel free to ask me. That opened up the whole discussion, and now, even at 15 she still comes to me with questions, doubts, fears, etc. We have an open dialogue and she knows she can get the truth from me, not a bunch of mixed up teens who are trying to figure it out on their own.
    Also, at ten, eleven, twelve, most girls are more concerned with how their bodies are changing and what to expect there. Good Luck.

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I think that she has probably already gotten more ideas about this from other kids and TV etc than you might think. I think the longer you put it off, the more misinformation she is going to get from other sources, and the more she gets ideas about it from other sources, the more embarrassed you are probably both going to be to talk about it.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:01 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Start NOW! She either has or is just about to start puberty. She should know what it is and why. And you should tell her the truth without sugar coating, because her friends will tell her things and if you have already armed her with the truth, she won't be lured by their tales. She can inform them of the right answer. Because kids all think they know everything about it and are really misinformed on many things. Make sure she knows that in five minutes she could be like all those having sex...but, at no time can they ever be a virgin again.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:38 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I think a ten year old should know a little about how they were made but not too much

    Answer by Aimee789135 at 1:24 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I gave my kids a book about safe touching when they were 3 years old. We read books from the childrens library about growing bodies and also how babies are made and born when they were 5 or 6. We always watched nature shows to talk about science and biology and have seen animals mating and having babies at the state fairs. We also talk about "sick" predators(we live in florida) Its really not a big mystery until it becomes "dirty" and secretive. Now my son is twelve and its no big deal. We do talk about slang words and what other kids are saying. our talks are often about respect for yourself and others and alot of the disrespect for women and sex on T.V. and in music. It all ties in. Just keep talking and listening. I always ask, "What do you think about...
    I'm not afraid to deal with tough subjects because I know it will help and protect him in the end.

    Answer by writeon at 2:26 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

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