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i told my live in bofriend of 4 yrs that i didnt love him and i wanted him to move out, well he took pills and tried to committ suicide and now he is in a mental hospital, he is doing better, but now i realize i do love him and i feel so bad, i cry everyday because of what i did to him. he is a good man i am just 15 yrs younger i dont know i just know it is my fault. so now what do i do, do i let him come home or what?? i really do miss him, i dont know what i want, i know i want him but i want to be single also, so i am really messed up in the head....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Sounds to me like you need to take time for you. You need to figure out what YOU want, what is good for YOU, where YOUR feelings are.
    onyourterms

    Answer by onyourterms at 9:32 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • If you take him back, then next time it will all happen again, or you'll be miserable because you are afraid if you do it again that he would do the same thing. Don't take him back. You can remain friends with him, but he had severe problems he needs to work out with mental professionals. You need to move on.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:35 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • You can't continue on with a relationship if you are SO unsure of what you want. It's not fare to the other person. Also, do you really want to be with someone who takes pills to kill themself when they hear something they don't want to hear? RED FLAG! That will cause you more problems down the road. You need time to yourself. You need to learn more about YOU, & what it is that you want out of this life.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:35 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • A family member of mine committed suicide two months ago in front of another family member. Get counselling good counselling at the very least through his doctors and carry it on with a counsellor outside of the his hospital for yourself. If your bf is in a psychiatric ward or in a mental hospital then his intent to commit suicide was real. Standing by a survivor of intent is as hard as it is to stand by the survivor of some one who did kill themselves. Get counselling make the calls now. His hospital is open, social workers are available. They can also help you set up counselling on the outside of his hospital. That's what the hospital where my surviving family member did after another killed himself in front of them. Some people who attempt suicide in the name of love sucessfully the first time or other times take beloved people with them in death.
    Call the hospital now. Blessings for you. Stay smart for your life.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 9:37 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • i agree time for yourself.. you dont want to tell him im sorry i love u come back just to do it again 6 months from now. it messes with the head and hurts. just tell him your not sure what u want and just need sometime to do the you thing. but dont get mad if he ends up dateing or even moving on. why not try living apart still together but not living to gether. but again if he decides u play games or sees he enjoys someone else compony u cant freak out. it was your doing. but for now help him threw his break down and reasure him that no matter what your friends and will be there to help him. good luck.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 9:38 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • You can not blame yourself for what he did. Thank God he wasnt successful. Dont let your guilt make you stay with him. That isnt healthy for either one of you. If you really do want to be with him I think you should both go to counseling (together and separately) Take time to let him heal and to heal yourself, then rationally think about what you want. This WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! You cant make someone end their lives. He has issues he needs to work out. If you are not sure if you want to be with him or not, dont take him back. You dont want to be in a relationship only because you are afraid he will do something terrible if you leave. It isn't fair to either one of you. I think you both need to work on yourselves individually before you make any decision. Remain his friend (he needs that now more than ever) but take time to get all the other stuff worked through before you decide to be in a relationship. Praying 4u!

    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 9:42 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I am so sorry that both of you are going thru what you went thru. I can't imagine the guilt, but you can't live in fear that if you break up with someone that they're going to kill or even hurt themselves. Some people do take pills etc and they know it's not going to kill them or they do it and let you know so they know you will call 911 quick enough (if it's pills and no blood involved). Other people tho I think do it for spite (a friend's son did it to spite his family not long ago, and that's so sad, his last words were "It's on your head now" and then pulled the trigger) You can't live in fear and you would be if you go back to living with him and in that same kind of relationship it was before. I recommend being friends and deciding from there (no rush) so you're not there out of guilt and he's not setting himself up to be hurt again if you change your mind.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:44 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • First off let me say, it wasn't your fault. You didn't put the pills down his throat. We cannot control another person's actions, only our own. You did something to upset him, so what? You were being honest and there is nothing wrong with that. He made the decision to be selfish and act like a child. It sounds like you care about him but you don't love him. The guilt feeling and wanting to help him is normal if you care about him. But the fact that you want to be singled and you wanted him to move out shows you don't love him. He isn't emotionally stable right now and he proved that by trying to kill himself. Not being emotionally stable means he can't even be in a relationship with you. Take some time to yourself and let your heart figure out what you want. He needs to take some time to get his head on straight. It may take 6 months, it may take a year. Either way, don't go down this road with him again.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 9:44 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Take time for you. Find out what you really want. Do you want him back now because you would feel like you were rescuing him? Or do you in fact really love him? I think you might need some counseling to really dig down and figure out what you really do want. Good luck hon.
    happyathomemum

    Answer by happyathomemum at 10:10 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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