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Age difference---16 year gap

Okay, so I've been talking to this guy who's 16 year older than I am. I'm 20 and he's 36.. Have or are any of you with anyone who's that much older than you?? More, less, close?? Let me know. I'm worried it won't work out, but I really like him and he's fond of me. We've been talking on line for a while. It first started when I was 17 (didn't tell me he was in his 30s lol). He waited 'til I was 20 to make an actual move. I've been getting flowers and candy and a lot of really nice stuff. He lives in Mass. though and I in Michigan.. So it's long distance as well.

Idk, what do you all think??

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Youngmum19

Asked by Youngmum19 at 9:54 AM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Did he know your age before? If he did, HUGE red flag. When I was 16, I looked like I was probably 25. I met this guy and we started dating. We never talked about age or anything. I found out he was 36 and I was still only 16. I had a huge problem with that and he didn't. It grossed me out a little back then that he didn't mind dating a child. But now, as a mother and an adult, it makes me realize just how big of a deal it really was. If he didn't know your age until recently, then okay, sounds good. But if he knew it when you were that age, there's a problem Because a 33-year-old man interested in a 17-year-old child is disturbing.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 9:57 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Have you met this guy before??
    I've dated a guy who was 8yrs older than me things were great then he wanted to rush and get married and have kids and well I just wasn't ready for all that. we ended up splitting up after a few months because I still wanted to enjoy life. plus honestly long distance relationships never work out! good luck though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • It sounds like you already have doubts about it since you are asking us our opinion. If you knew in your heart that there wasn't something a little off about this, you would never think it was wrong. I honestly think 16 years isn't a big deal when you are a little older. A woman who's 40 and a man who's 56 isn't a big deal. But when you stop and think about the life experiences this man has probably had and the ones you have yet to explore, it's a big difference. My husband is 8 years older than me and I never for a second questioned it. As far as maturity level, we are on the same page. We were a great fit and the age was never an issue. He sounds a little off though. You have to be really careful meeting people online and anything long distance is rarely a good idea.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 10:04 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Well he knew, but he didn't say anything. Like he wasn't going to actually make a move on me. Plus I didn't exactly look 16 either. But It was just chatting on line then. I think I talked to him 3 times on the phone and it wasn't anything serious.

    And for some reason I'm still in "family" mode. Like my biological clock is still ticking and I need to find a way to SLOW it down. There's no reason for me to want another baby, right now. And I've NEVER done the long distance thing before. I'm not thrilled about it.
    Youngmum19

    Answer by Youngmum19 at 10:04 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I married a man that's 16 years older than me (I was 20 when we married) and in the beginning it may seem like love has no age limits, love is blah blah blah and dont' get me wrong, I do love my husband, but there's a lot of things that I wish I'd have done before I got married so I'm going to suggest that you date someone your own age to just see if your'e better suited, because men at that age are at that settling down point usually. They've all done the whoring around, the bar scene, the dancing, and all of that is just about over if it's not already (body starts messign up), their sex drive is starting to slow down and they're mighty close to that mid life crisis age.
    My opinion... at his age, if he went for the younger woman he met online (atleast mine was a good friend so he knew the real me and cared for me as as person, was my best friend before we decided to get married), so yours has eye for young women. Red Flag!
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:06 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • The fact that a man that age was interested in you back then is disturbing. My husband is 31 and thinks of a 17-year-old as a child. He is almost double your age. There are a lot of red flags. He knew your age and he hid his age. He knew it wasn't right. Honestly, I think you should stay away from this guy. How would you feel if this was your child with an older "predator?"
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 10:07 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Have you actually met him? Or just chatted online/phone? It makes me suspicious. I had a friend who met a man online and they chatted by phone for months. He talked about flying down to see her. One day out of the blue his wife called my friend! They haven't spoken since. The age gap is considerable but the fact it's an internet relationship makes me cautious.
    BubNSoap

    Answer by BubNSoap at 10:07 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Well I think also a part of the reason for me asking is that I hadn't really taken anything to serious with him, but now I'm starting to get all these feelings and I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, since I'm on vacation in Florida right now. It's hard to reach my friends most of the time. Kids... school.. work ect. I'm very mature and I've had really good friends who were mid 30s, 55, 40s. and what not, so that's no problem.
    Youngmum19

    Answer by Youngmum19 at 10:07 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Well this sets off a few 'red flags' in my book. He knew you were underage when you met- and did not tell you his real age, the relationship is long distance, and it is all online with a few phone calls. I really don't know what to tell you about this guy/relationship except be very careful.

    As for age, well I can't say too much my husband is 9yr older than I am- and to be honest I forget that he is older. We have alot of the same likes/dislikes, views, beliefs and most important we know each other, we get along and we love each other.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:13 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I dated an older man when I was 17 and he was 31. It was good for a while but then he wanted to be more like my father and was very jelouse so we broke up. Yes he did know how old I was and would even come meet me after school. My mom and dad both knew he was older but not how old. Dad didn't really like it but Mom ws fine with it. It was also hard to deal with the fact that his 8-yr-old was closer to my age than he was.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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