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what would you do about this child?

at my sons preschool (which we LOVE) there is a new boy. I believe he is a young 3. He is in my sons class. When I first met him, I thought he was just super affectionate and friendly but the past few days I think there might be something wrong. Everytime I am there to drop of mason, before I even have a chance to sign him in, I never see this kid coming. He runs and all the sudden I feel this child on me. In a split second he has touched every part of me before I even have a chance at reacting. In this instant, he has touched my legs, upper thighs, crotch and has already tried wondering his hand inside my shirt! I have never once been around a child that did this. He does it so fast, I seriously NEVER see him coming. Mason walks in first (my son), I walk in and instantly grab for the sign up sheet that hangs on the wall and it's when I'm searchign for masons name and check teh time to sign him in that this happens.(more below

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saralouise

Asked by saralouise at 11:04 AM on Apr. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 7 (163 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • It is really raising red flags to me that soemthign is wrong. I know that young kids can have curious wondering hands and somethings things get touched by surprise. But this child, it is intent. The moment he knows I'm there, I'm violated. He is not there fulltime and I don't know his schedule to go in there prepared for this. Sometimes he's there, sometimes he's not. It alarms me that much more cuz this kid has absolutely NO clue who I am. He just knows I'm someone that drops a kid off. What concerns me even more is that since this kid does this WITHOUT knowing me...is he doing this to kids in his class??? His teacher acted really suprised he did it to me this morning. She knows it makes me uncomfortable the way this child is. If it happens again, I am going to go to the director of the daycare/preschool and address my concerns.
    Any further advice on this? It just seems so wrong to me. never been around a child like this
    saralouise

    Answer by saralouise at 11:06 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I might be out on a whim here, but maybe he is being abused at home? I know that is a terrible thing to say but ive read that child who are being abused or have been abused can be excessively affectionate. I would bring your concerns to the director. And maybe have them kind of investigate as to if there is anything going on at home
    AdensMommy1107

    Answer by AdensMommy1107 at 11:10 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • This is and extremely alarming behavior. This goes beyond friendly into the realm of a child with an attachment disorder, or possible abuse at home. This should raise red flags. You should handle it by grabbing him and pulling him off you, looking into his eyes, and saying "I love hugs, but you have to ask first." Do it firmly and do it every time he does something like this. Set the boundary and stick to it.

    You need to talk to your child about good touching and bad touching and make it clear that even his friends at school are not allowed to touch him in such and such places.

    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:11 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I would bring up your concerns with the director and let them know that they should be looking for further signs of neglect or abuse. If you were to make a report to CPS, only a really experienced worker will understand how bad these signs are, but if the director were to have this particular behavior along with other signs to report, CPS would take it way more seriously and have a good chance of intervening. It is also possible that this child is already in the system and if he is, then his foster parents and social worker need to know that he is exhibiting this behavior with a stranger.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:12 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Ask the teacher for help, when she knows you're coming, she could distract him in another part of the room.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • he's 3. You're not really 'violated'- 3 yr olds don't think/understand in the compacity needed 'to violoate'.

    Where is the Preschool teacher? Is she in the room?
    I would talk to her, make sure she knows, and ask her if should could please keep him in check until the mooms are done dropping of their kids. I'd talk to the teacher before the director.

    Also maybe talk to his mom. Maybe there is an autism or sensory disorder. Maybe she kowshe's like this and can tell you how she normally handles it and give advice. Or maybe she doesn;t know and needs to- in a kind way. remember he's 3- barely. My son with autism wasn;t even speaking or communnicating at that age (and groped- but usually just me)- it is a very young age. Remember he's not a 15 yr old with inappropriate sex thgoughts.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 11:15 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • They may be abuse signs- but they are also Autism oe Sensory Disorder signs - I'd HATE for a child with an autism disorder to be snatched from his family because someone is reporting what they thins is family abuse. Be careful.

    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 11:17 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I am violated. I'm having another individual grab me in places he shouldnt be reguardless of age. if he was a baby, ok. his intent may not be to "violate" but that's what it is. and thank you for bringing some sort of disorder to my attention. that could be an option.
    saralouise

    Answer by saralouise at 11:19 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • it's just semantics. sorry. Just becuaseit's not the word i would have used doesn;t mean it's not how you feel. My apologies.

    just bring it up tho the teachedr and mom first. then go up to chain of command if that doesn't work.

    as a mom of boys with autism and senosry disorders I would have been very upset to know that if there was a problem with my child no one came to me and just went starighht to the top authority. And it would have just made things more of a mess.

    Do you know if any of the other moms have this problem with the child? Maybe hang around and watch other moms dropping their children off and see what happens.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 11:29 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I would agree not to go to CPS first, it's why I suggested the director. The director may be aware of why this problem is occuring and could be helpful. Either way, I would set the boundaries with the kid and bring it to someone's attention.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:36 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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