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Anyone w/19 year old that does NOTHING?

I have a child that does nothing! I am always coming between him and his Dad. We only have one car, so that's his excuse for not getting a job. No problem, we will have another car soon.(by the end of the month) He stays up all night playing WOW. Sleeps all day.All we ask is for him to feed and water the dog and take the trash out w/o being asked 20 million times. I don't even ask anymore. Rather do it myself than get attitude from him. Hubby has caught me more than once doing son's chores. This is causing a problem between hubby and myself. What do I do? I love my son. I love my hubby...how can I make everyone happy? I am not happy to be doing son's chores. Hell, I have my own chores. I try to talk to him, but it's in one ear and out the other...Should I stay out of it and let my hubby, his Dad, do what he will with son? He threatens to kick him out...

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Stacey833

Asked by Stacey833 at 11:16 AM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 6 (117 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Sounds like a lazy irresponsible bum (so sorry to say)....I'd give him an ultimatum to either get himself together or he'll have to go. You can't continue to be his enabler.
    NJMom2Tyler

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 11:17 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I think threatening to kick him out is a good idea. Once he turned 18 it was a priviledge, not a right, for you to continue allowing him to live in your home. Trust me there are tons of parents out there that tell there kids once you are 18 you have to have a job and start helping around the house if you are gonna still live here. It sounds like your son is taking advantage of you and I would definitely not go for that...especially if its causing problems in your marriage. Sit down with your husband and talk about a solution. I know you love your son but letting him act like this is not going to prepare him to be a self-sufficient adult. He needs a dose of the real world. You and your husband need to figure out what that will be.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:21 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Put all his stuff on the lawn and change the locks...

    Okay, that was kind of extreme, but you need to stop coming between your husband and your son. Your husband is trying to turn your son into a man, which cannot happen as long as he is freeloading off of you guys. Let your husband handle this. His male wisdom has a greater chance of success then your mommy love.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:22 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Nope. I told mine, college/dorm or full time job/apartment. She went to college one year, and then found a full time job and moved out within the month. Nope.. Give them a choice. She is a much better person for me having done this!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Answers above are great!
    We had this challenge with our son. He is not a bad guy just was taking path of least resistance. We threatened him to get a job, go to college or get out. He got a part time job, went to school part time & was still lazy around the house. By the way he already had his fire academy under his belt before he left high school. After about four months of school & work he stopped going to school. Said he was done & it wasn't worth it! Then about a month later no job as it was boring. Still playing computer games & sleeping.
    Told our son with a heavy heart that he needed to find some place else to live because he was causing challenges with my husband & myself & not being a good example for our younger kids. He was angry & hurt! He found a place to move to with another family friend. Is now Fireman, EMT & Ambulance driver! Best thing was to let go so he could soar & find his place.
    Kicked out at 19 now 22
    LegacyKimberley

    Answer by LegacyKimberley at 11:47 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Well you've let him behave this way. You've enabled him to be a Lazy bum, so yea, my advice would be to have him get a job or move out, simple
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:53 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Know that no matter what you decide you will make the right decision because you are his mom. It is difficult to kick a child out and you will have to trust that you have given your child all the tools to survive and you have been the best parent you could be. He has made it to this age because of you. Now he will have to put all his training into action to be successful. Doesn't mean you do not love and watch out for then you are giving them the space to ride without the training wheels anymore.

    Our son comes home and visits for 4 days to week at a time. Has a great time with his dad and siblings. He now says we were not quite as stupid as he thought we were and respects us for what we "made" him do. He is still learning and faces a challenge now and again and will call and as for advise.

    It does get better and is a blessing. For me 3 more to go! We will see how they are at 19???????
    LegacyKimberley

    Answer by LegacyKimberley at 11:54 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • He's not a child. He's an adult. Charge him rent. When he says he doesn't have any money, tell him you'll accept his computer & games as payment. Is there no form of public transportation where you live? Is there work within biking distance?
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 12:36 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Do not give him anything, I won't give my kid anything until he accomplishes something (I wasnt this way in the past) but have learned that it motivates him. Shoes, gas money, nothing! His car (he paid for it) is about to fall apart, but so sad, better find a job. He found a job this week and is going to school part time. Thank goodness.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • How much stuff does he have in his room that was bought for him by you and his dad? Take it all. Hide it or sell it. Even take his bed out of his room, and let him sleep on the floor. What about the clothes in his closet? Take everything except what he bought and paid for himself. Don't give him a dime for anything. Somehow, this child has grown up with the attitude that he is owed. It's time to teach him that in the real world, if you don't work, then you don't have a bunch of stuff. The truth is that most of today's young people have the idea that they are owed. Sometimes, love must be tough. I think it's time to get tough, Mom.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:48 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

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