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How do you deal with a rude stepson?

Me and my DH have children from our previous marriage. His daughters are older and are not home much. However his son is over here every other weekend and once a week. He is rude, messy and very ungrateful. He does not know how to clean, he thinks the world revolves around him and show horrible manner Sometimes I think e just likes to be annoying. On top of that he makes racial comments. Nothing straight out horrible but he likes to imply racist things. ( I am black, Husband is white.) I am tired of his crap. He has made me cry on several occasion. But he lies and even when he goes to his therapist he tells lies to him too. As if he is trying to paint a bad picture of me. His dad is very relaxed with discipline and has always been soft. Half the time I don't even want to be here when the SS comes over. I don't like to be uncomfortable in my own home. What should I do. It is hurting our marriage.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Just happen to be "absent" when he is around, or if this isn't possible...ignore him completely, like he never existed in the first place. When he confronts you(and he WILL, boys love attention, and it drives em crazy not to have any)just tell him that you find him completely unpleasant and maybe even a little disgusting. As for his messes, don't clean up after him...does he have a room e stays in? Just put it all in there as you come across it.
    ANd I know he is your husband's boy, but it it YOUR house as well, and tell your husband that you are all for having his son over, but you demand respect as an Alpha of the household. It's your right.
    Anjeey

    Answer by Anjeey at 11:42 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • You don't tolerate it..You would not allow that with your own children and you don't allow it with that brat..
    'You tell you DH to back you up....
    If he will not do that...you are most likely headed for either
    A. a miserable life
    B. a divorce..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:42 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Take your Step Son aside and have a talk with him. Tell you hubby how you feel first, and that you intent on talking with him, so that it is not a surprise, and tell him what you intend on telling his son, so no lies can be told. Or, if you like, have your husband there during the talk (but not for him to say anything, just observe)
    This is an issue that you and your SS need to work out. You need to tell him that regardless of how he feels toward you, this is YOUR house, and you will not tolerate being treated like crap anymore. Tell him that his racist comments hurt your feelings, and that there is no reason for you to feel unwelcome in your own house.

    Of course you will need to talk to hubby about it first, and be sure that he is ready and willing to support you on this. If he doesn't support it then you will just be wasting your time.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:45 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Check into a spa when he is there. When your husband complains tell him that either he backs you up and takes his son back under control, or you will continue to give them their alone time together. Don't punish your husband or give him an ultimatum, just be absent and let him know that you won't put up with his son's abuse so you will just be gone so they can enjoy their time together.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:45 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • My gut says to wash his mouth out with soap. Bar soap, you can scrape it on his teeth. Or foam soap, that kinda sticks. I do that with my kids when they really talk back, bite each other, things like that. Treating him as if he were your own may make him see that you care, and want a relationship with him.
    But, I 'd also consider having a small personal voice recorder, and record the nasty things that come out of his mouth. I understand that this is your husbands kid, but your husband really needs to be more supportive of YOU. He feels caught in the middle, but he does have a choice to make. It won't hurt his son if he is more supportive of you, and if he actually steps in and gives some discipline. It's good for his son. He is also teaching his son that this behavior is ok. That treating a woman like crap is ok. Just sitting by and allowing this stuff, he may as well join in. Tell DH to be a man.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 11:52 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I would stay away from disciplining this kid at all. You husband should step up and be a man and take care of it, but do not come between him and his kid, and do not discipline. It's not your place.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 12:18 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • You need to get your dh to be more involved. It is a hard situation, and sadly, he is a product of his environment. Try to be tolerant,and one day he will see who truly cared for him and who was feeding him lies. A blended family is always difficult, and a child in a broken family can be more devastating to some that others. {{hugs}}
    MamaDiane

    Answer by MamaDiane at 12:53 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Soft-hearted or not, with as little respect this kid has for you, there is not a whole lot YOU can say or do to change his mind! It is his father's responsibility to take care of him and ensure he treats you with respect. Have a talk with your new hubbie. If he cares about your feelings, he needs to step up and tell his son to get his act together!
    cooperbaby

    Answer by cooperbaby at 2:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2009

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