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need help with child not using listening ears and myself not showing my frustration to him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (8)
  • How old is the child? Until a certain age, a child is not going to be able to use 'listening ears'. Redirection works best for toddlers and helps to reinforce the word 'no'.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • You're kidding me right? Using "listening ears" is not something a 1 to 2 yo toddler does. You redirect, you be firm when you tell the child no. That's your job, to be a parent. And it's the child's job to be disobedient until you teach them. You've gotta be one of those new age parents that thinks that you can be your child's friend.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Tell him no, then give him something else instead. Be firm. As far as your frustration. I think in certain situations- danger, for example, that frustration isn't a bad thing. As long as the child isn't savvy enough to get Mom's "goat" on purpose, but a 1-2 year old is probably too young for that. If you want to change your attitude, be aware when the tension starts and make yourself relax. Being aware is a great first step. Notice that you are tense and what is causing it. Eventually the awareness will be a cue to you to let the tension go. Consciously relax from your head down to your toes. Exhale as you relax, and picture that you are exhaling tension. Another exercise is count-down relaxation: Say 10 and relax your head and neck, say 9 and relax your shoulders and arms, say 8 and relax your chest, and so forth down to one, exhaling as you relax.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:05 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • One of my neighbors, I remember when she wanted her child to stop doing something that she tried saying no, but then she gave up because the child "became unhappy." I raised an eyebrow at this, I admit. Humans are mammals, and mammals learn from their parents. You don't see a cat mama letting her babies do things they shouldn't just because they want to, the mama cat swats them on the ear, not that I am advocating swatting for humans, but in the same way, human young ones need guidance. They need boundaries. Otherwise they have trouble being grounded, they lack a reference.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:13 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I'm not sure about listening ears in a young child, but to get my DD to pay attention, I crouch down, look her in the eye, and proceed to give her the directions she needs (i.e. NO don't touch that. ITs HOT).

    As far as your frustration, I personally see nothing wrong with showing a child you are frustrated. As long as you know how to HANDLE your frustration without being aggresive towards your LO, I think it is perfectly fine to cover your hands over your ears and say, "Mommy is SO frustrated!" I believe in showing my child my emotions, whether they be happy or sad, angry or content, tired or frustrated. I feel it helps to teach my LO that feelings are okay, as long as they are dealt with in a constructive manner.
    epoh

    Answer by epoh at 2:15 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • My DD has lost her listening ears lately too! I just get down on her level, bring her close to me and talk to her in a low, calm voice. I tell her that if she is talking, she can't hear what I am trying to tell her. That usually works pretty well with my DH, most days anyways. We all have our days!!
    Mizzjos

    Answer by Mizzjos at 2:41 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Know your audience. When it comes to toddlers, lower your expectations to their developmental level. It is hard to get or stay frustrated with a child when you understand that they are just not ready for anything as complex as listening, obeying and remembering your words. When it comes to commands, keep things simple, repetitive and consistent. Use words like "No", "hot" and "ouch" rather than attempting to explain the danger in a long and drawn out way. It won't sink in right away, but if you keep it up and understand that your child is still quite young, then by the time she is 3 or 3 1/2 she will internalize your voice and will begin to check her own behavior with self-talk. You will hear her say things like "hot" and "ouch" to situations you've warned her against in the past. Above all, remind yourself to be patient! You have the rest of her childhood to go through before you get to the bigger battles ie: the teen years!
    strawberrycakes

    Answer by strawberrycakes at 3:16 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Yes my child is still young 2 years of age and no it has nothing to do with the parents age. Im a home childcare provider and i just had a simple question if someone could redirect myself letting me know that its okay to get frustrated. because i want to teach him in the right direction and not against me.I just needed some ideas on how to relax in certain situations when they arrive. thanx

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

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