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let's see if I can explain this and let me know what you think............If the BM can't afford to do someting should the SM and BD have to pick up her slack? I know it's a lot, but please read, I'd like to know what you think. The situation is this:

There's 4 practices in a week, SS lives with us, (SM and BD), 2 practices during the week, 2 on weekends(which he spends with her, 3 out of 4 a month). She says she can't afford to drive to our town 4x a week, so she wants him to miss Sunday practices. She also wants us to drive him to her for drop off and pick ups for each weekend so she doesn't have to, b/c she wants to go to practices. Usually we meet 1/2 way. BTW, she doesn't work. I offered to drive him the full way on Fridays to make it easier and meet 1/2 way on Sundays. Should we really have to do all the driving b/c she can't afford it? Should she not come 1 day during the week when he's with us, instead of him missing practice on Sunday, b/c she can't afford it? Do you think whatever parents has him, should get him to where he needs to be? Obviously we'll get him to practice, but should we really have to pick up her slack, shouldn't she get a job?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • She should, but there really isn't much you can do about it. It is better for him to be at practice and learn the responsibiltiy of it and be on a consistent schedule. It is probably better that you pick up her slack for his sake, even though it is annoying.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Here's the thing, whether she is unwilling or actually CAN'T do it, the fact of the matter is, she ISN'T going to do it and you can't make her. You can be just as stubborn as she is and refuse to pick up the rest of the slack and have SS suffer because of bickering parents OR you can pick up her slack and bennefit him. It takes "doing the right thing when someone else is doing the wrong thing" and humility in times like these to try and make a situation right for the kids. Whatever arrangement you make with her has to be what's best for him, even if she's being a loser about it and even if you end up doing more.

    I don't think "whatever parent has him" should have to do more or less (but they usually end up having to do more). I think whatever parent gives a damn and loves their kids the most ends up doing it.

    Should she get a job? Sure. But that's another thing you can't make her do. You have to live with it. :-(

    Answer by NovemberLove at 5:09 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • What does the visitation agreement say about driving? Mine used to say the parent taking custody had to pick up and anything that was during the time with each parent that parent had to drive to. My ex used to pull the I don't have gas money to get him to practice all the time even with it in the order (hmmm but $$ for the 12 pack you have?!). Missing practices especially for a team sport effects the whole team and the child should not have to miss things because the parent is being selfish!

    On the other hand my ex got away with it b/c as you said DH and I were not going to make him miss something because his father was being a jerk....


    Answer by goaliemom93 at 5:14 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Part of me say's yes and part of me say's no. YES I do agree that if she has him it's her responsibility and that she should get a job, but sometimes it's just not that cut and dry. Why doesn't she just go flip burger's some where, probably pride. She is being honest with her shortcomings and you really can't fault her for that. Maybe she likes being home with him when she has him, who knows. The most important thing here is your stepson and making him happy. We too have to travel (only 45 minutes one way across town) to see our stepson (joint legal). We provide ALL transportation, to and from our home and to any thing in the middle when he has something going on, and we would NOT let him miss out. I think that you will have MANY years more of this and I would let this one go (unless she is habitual) pick and choose your battles because you are still going to have to see her when you do get to the games.

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 5:15 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • November love---

    i don't feel that whatever parent has the child ends up doing more... my mom has custody of both of my sisters. but by some miracle, she has "mandatory overtime" every week for the last 3 months she's been out of the house and my dad has to pick them up from school, take them to their functions, feed and bathe them... and she's "too tired" to handle them for the weekends. Why don't they just live with my dad? she wouldn't have control then...

    i think this is a control issue. either something needs to be settled in court, or someone's going to have to bend. it's not SS's issue to bear, so i'd tolerate as much as you think is fair. If she can't handle that, take her bum to court. she needs a job, especially if she can't "afford" to keep up her end of a bargain.

    Answer by matobe at 5:15 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • If ur going to complain about it, just pull him out of the sports. She won't have to drive 9357013058173085 times a week, and neither will you, and then yall will get along!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • that's not what I meant about whatever parent has him should do more.

    On that specific day when dad has him, he should drive him to practice, on the specific day when mom has him, she should bring him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • what the hell would pulling him out do??? this should be some kind of compromise, no? that's the most stupid answer I've ever heard in my life!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • lol that would be the compromise! no one drives! woo!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • stupid..........

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

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