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was it heartless?

My mom and dad are married. Mom has taken a break... I told my mom that unless she told me her boyfriend's name that I didn't want her to come to the delivery of my first child, her first grandchild. She's put him before me and my DH and my baby this whole time, and thinks she's going to get to share the joy of us becoming a family.

Not one time did my mom call just to ask me how I was doing. The 10x she did call over the last 9 months has been to ask a favor, and then before getting off the phone, a "How ya feelin'?"

Every time she runs into me at walmart or gas station, she always wants a pic of my belly. I always give in, because as gma, she may deserve it. I kinda feel like it's my way of showing her everything she's missed out on, and I secretly hope that one day she looks back and realizes it.

Is it too much to ask that I know who her bf is before she goes dragging him up to the nursery window to see my baby?


Asked by matobe at 5:49 PM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • If she hasn't been acting like a mom to you then it would make sense that you wouldn't feel like she'd act like a grandmother to your child. I don't think that asking her not to show up is heartless, if she wanted to be a part of it then she would have, you've given her many opportunities IMO. Don't worry about it, focus on the baby and get excited about what's coming.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • not to mention, she didn't make the 4hr drive to be there when we got married in Oct 08...

    Answer by matobe at 5:54 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I don't think that you have to have her in the delivery room at all. My mom would have loved to have been there, but my husband and I decided that we wanted it to be just us. We welcomed everyone to come up to the hospital after the baby was born. As for her BF, I think that you have the right to say that you do not want him there at all. You do not know him, and you will go through a lot during labor and delivery, if you do not want strangers coming up to the hospital (and I can't say that I blame you) then tell her that he is not welcome.
    It may make her mad at the time, but you will feel more comfortable in the long run, and that is what is important.

    Answer by NewMommyin06 at 6:19 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Why say anything at her just like shes been doing you...go about your business like she wasnt there...after the baby arrives (without any notice) take to baby home and continue your wonderful family routine....then when she finally calls for a favor, be very very busy...dont say why. "IF" the baby is over heard & she says "why didnt you tell me"...respond with one of her own lines as to why shes isnt involved enough to care...she'll get the point. But dont be surprised if she trys to make you feel like your the one who wronged her! NOT! and dont be surprised if her attitude doesnt not change...she will just have her excuse..that she wasnt envolved because it was your choice...i guess what im saying is seperate yourself if thats what you feel like you should do...and do what makes you happy & your beautiful family...if she cant be a part of that...its her loss and yes, she will regret it , but it will be much later...

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • we are inducing next thursday if he doesn't come sooner... she knows this. otherwise, i'd pull that "busy" routine...

    Answer by matobe at 9:08 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • What difference does his name make? Does she even have a bf or are you just guessing? If she is still married to Dad then she may not feel obliged to share any of her friends names to anyone. At what point in life is she having to hold herself accountable to you? This is all too confusing for me. I think ultimatums to mothers is just unacceptable. It sounds more like you are pushing your mom away than her not wanting to be a part of this. Perhaps you two can come to a compromise. However, I think you should share your pregnancy with her and steer clear of her personal life. If she wants to share that with you then she will. Let's focus on you and your child. Let mom live her life.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:15 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Your baby...YOU decide period!

    Answer by salexander at 9:20 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • I don't understand the name thing. Do you know for certain she's dating someone? I doubt she's going to introduce you to a "boyfriend" moments after your delivery, or the day the baby is born.
    I can understand you being upset about your parents seperating, but you sound a little bit jealous because she's not putting you and your happiness first (I do understand but most people's happiness is their primary concern). My Aunt who's like a Mom to me is that way, she sees my kids a few times a year (we live 15 minutes apart) and I've just learned that some people have had to be what someone else expected for years and now they need to finally be happy themselves and just enjoy life. Doesn't make me like it, but I still love her and want whatever she offers of herself but I don't cry about it anymore. I just call once in a while and say hi and go on about it and find my own happiness too.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:44 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • she took custody of my sisters, yet they've spent 22 out of the last 23 nights out here with my dad and I.

    i really don't care what's going on between my parents. i just don't feel that she should get to take pleasure in this joyous time in our lives because of the role (lack thereof) she has played since she got the boyfriend.

    And yes, I am sure. She told my aunt that she's "finally found a man that she can watch the games with." Her email address is gizmosgf@ ---. I really don't care to even know who it is, I just know that this is her way of staying above...

    Now, she knows that if she gives up his name, that my dad can hold her accountable for cheating in court... THAT'S the reason she won't give it. But I want to know who is so much more important than her children and grandchildren? I mean, she didn't even come to my wedding!

    Answer by matobe at 9:54 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • Wow!! your mom's actions must be hurting you bad because you've posted similiar threads about this...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:35 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

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