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I appreciate the answers to my question regarding my step-daughter....cont:

No it's not her fault her dad was laid off. She has everything and appreciates nothing at all. Death benifit money from her moms 2nd marriage was put in a CD for college, the rest of it was spent by her mom without her dad even knowing she was getting that check, finally the checks came here. She isn't going to sue her mom for the money her mom spent while she was living with her dad. Her mom just got out of rehab the longest she has ever stayed. She has a new bedroom set, her room was painted, clothes, a new computer, an ipod, a camera, her hair done etc...a car which came out of the checks she recieved, she has not put forth the effort to get a job. She isn't sure so she says what she wants to do..We have all said it..She is LAZY..she sees us working in the yard, and never offers to help out only when she is asked. This has caused a great deal of stress on our marriage going on only 3yrs.

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Winetuscany

Asked by Winetuscany at 5:56 PM on Apr. 2, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • why are you throwing random facts like.... her room is painted.. she has brown hair... pink shoes.... i dont see the importance of what her room is like.

    OR if your point is... she is spoiled and doesnt appreciate. then stop spoiling her.

    if she wants something tell her do this and this choir and you can get that.


    you cant be mad at a child for acting spoiled when its the parents fault they are spoiled.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • The Question is?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

  • She isn't spoiled she has so much that she doesn't appreciate because she didn't work to pay for it. That is what part of the problem is. She was like this before her dad and I married, I did not create this. I have done everything I can to help, guide, love her, help her learn to cook, so much in the past and I just want to go forward, the attitude of I can do what I want now that I am 18, like stating I don't need to ask you to lay down with my boyfriend when he was over...!!!!..what's wrong with this picture? Her dad needs to get more involved with her and talk. I am at my wits end now..we don't talk and it's so sad..
    Winetuscany

    Answer by Winetuscany at 3:21 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Have you and your dh ever sat down with her and just talked... in a civil manner, no yelling or fighting... maybe over a pizza... ask a question such as about her getting a job, or has she decided what college she is going to go to ... let her ask questions of you and her father... I think opening up some sort of communication with her may help releave some of the stress and tension that is there... explain to her that she NEEDS to help more... and that she should appreciate what she has.... she is 18 she should already know this, but if her entire family situtation has been an roller coaster of a ride there can be a lot of built up emotions that she just hasn't been able to work thru...
    Have you thought of family counseling? just a thought....
    Good Luck
    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 3:49 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • isn't spoiled getting everything and doing nothing for it?
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 11:59 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • yeah, i am a bit confused about the question. and i agree with wheresthewayout. she does sound spoiled if she gets everything without doing anything. my SD and SS don't get everything for nothing. SD got her room painted for christmas and SS we bought the paint for his birthday and are going to be painting it soon.

    establish household responsibilities for each person in the house. if she has never been expected to do things around the house, you can't expect her to just suddenly start doing them once she turns 18 and see you guys doing stuff.

    i dont understand what your actually asking, but i would do some talking with your hubby and then go from there.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 6:50 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • We do talk, it's her dad that has to learn to open up with her more. Ask how her day at school has gone, she is a senior in H.S. She has a job interview tomorrow. I hope she gets it as we both will be very proud of her. We had talked in the past about "What will you do after H.S? She said she didn't know. A few mos ago we talked about perhaps law enforcement there are many different areas, he uncle is a detective and if she had any questions she knew he would only be to glad to ans. them for her. Now she said she wants to do this. It would have been nice, for her to tell her dad first. She and her dad need to talk more, I have encouraged this for years. What the attitude is about.."I am now 18 and can do what I want"! As far as I am concerned as long as she lives in this house she still has rules to follow. I told her that I will take over all housewk. She rarely cleans her rm. She washes her own clothes.
    Winetuscany

    Answer by Winetuscany at 3:21 PM on Apr. 9, 2009

  • okay. so what is the question?

    why aren;t you establishing household guidelines to do share chores? and tell her that if she under your roof she will follow your rules - of course hubby needs to be involved.

    have you talked to her dad about talking to her more? dad's arent very good with this. but you can't force it either.

    why did you tell her that you will do all the housework? you have a job and have to do things around the house?
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:11 PM on Apr. 11, 2009

  • She got the job at a restaurant, busing tables, She was to dust, vac, mop mons and fri only. This took her about 1/2 hr. come one now we have a large home 2 1/2 baths..I take care of my husbands and my room with it's own bathroom. I taught her to dust fist, get under the baseboard with the vac crevice tool, then vac, then mop the kit floor. She undermines me, Her dad just gave up he loves her, she still has 2 mos till graduation. I do the grunge work, I asked her "Do you want to trade?.. of course not. I do 98% of the cooking..oh she pats herself on the back and tells us they nicknamed her Emerial in home ec cooking etc..she is here and she states she doesn't know what to do, I have suggested as I have about 100 cookbooks look and find a recipe and make it, you have to ask her to do something she rarely takes it upon herself to do anything around here she has been like this since I have been here. She gets up @ 12pm
    Winetuscany

    Answer by Winetuscany at 8:55 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

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