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my fiance's mom basically MIL won't cut the chord

she's not too overbaring when it comes 2 our 6 month old but she has 2 know EVERYTHING that's going on!!! its drives me insane!!! me n my fiance have been 2gether for 4 years and me n MIL get along just fine. we stay about 5 mins down the road n i wish we could just move away far far away! one time i told her we were thinking about moving 2 the beach n she actually said that she might be able to as well. are you F***n serious??? she's constantly asking about all of our son's appointments before he has them. its like she puts them on her calendar. the other day she called both our phones severall time we just didnt feel like talking. finally my fiance answered n she just wanted 2 know how our son was doing!!!!!! omg i know she regrets that she didnt spend enough time w/ her son as a child n i heard her say once this is like her 2nd chance. well its not. its my son. i know i sound crazy but the more i think about it the ....

 
princess021

Asked by princess021 at 1:03 AM on Apr. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • 'Get over it' that's REAL nice advice. Sounds like your MIL has boundary issues - calling UNTIL one of you picks up the phone, calling BEFORE the babies Dr. appointment - yeah that's a little TOO much for me thanks, I'd be highly annoyed too. Stop the info train - don't tell when the appointments are and give basic info after the appointments, that might help. Boundaries need to be set up and enforced - if your SO won't enforce boundaries with her because he doesn't want to "hurt her feelings", than it's up to you - since you have a good relationship w/her - do it politely and respectfully. On the other hand - her comment about MOVING WITH YOU if you guys ever move is a huge RED FLAG - I agree w/you though- it's time for your MIL to cut the cord.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • i understand about wanting to know how her grandchild is. thats a good thing. but thinking its her second chance is pretty weird.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • (CONTINUED) more it pisses me off! grrrr she's constantly talking about where she's going 2 take him and what he needs 2 be doing when he's older. i have NEVER ever said anything mean to her or confronted her about anything. i usually just let things go. my fiance wont ever stand up to her cuz i think he doesnt want 2 hurt her feelings. i tell him all the time what he could say in a nice way to make me feel better but he never quite gets it out. i dont mean 2 b cocky but altough i am a young mother i am very intelligent esp when it comes 2 babies. i've have taken care of many n love them. she's not very bright (mean this as nice as possible) when it comes 2 common sense stuff. didnt even know they have velcro diapers now!!!!! but she always puts in her 2 cents. if she goes a week w/out seeing grandbaby its like its been a month! she keeps him at least once a weekend. sry so long im just so mad. had to get it out.
    princess021

    Answer by princess021 at 1:11 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • i completely understand that too. but she called both our phones several times like it was REALLY important. and she just saw him a few days ago! lol
    princess021

    Answer by princess021 at 1:11 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Better than a grandparent who never calls to see how the kid is doing.

    Better than a grandparent who walks away when the grandkid calls out "grandpa!" and is headed towards him.

    Better than a grandparent who sends birthday and Christmas cards/gifts and signs them "I love you" but yet has had no other contact for the past two years.

    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 5:47 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Get over it. I've been married for 31 years. My MIL is the same way. I survived. You know how? I prayed for her. Be thankful that she wants to be involved in your son's life.
    Deb_Jones

    Answer by Deb_Jones at 6:24 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • At least she cares and is there for your and the baby. Try to just deal with it. Sounds like she's not doing anything to interfer with the baby or development. Just not giving you enough space. My step my is kinda the same. She's not here all the time, but when she is it's do it this way. I know about babies b/c I took care of them 30 years ago! But hang in there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • You and your SO set the boundaries. Just don't answer the phone. Just don't. Period. Set a time that you and your husband agree upon each night that after that time you will not answer your phone. You can check messages in case it is an emergency but other than that - don't respond. Don't answer the door. Do tell her, your SO not you, that you are starting family time. And that means just his SO and his children. Quiet time for all of you. Let him be in the lead and take credit like it is his idea. This way she is more likely to respect it. Don't tell her about every appointment. Even if she asks. Tell her right now that vacations are for the immediate family to bond and get away from the world - and in a nice way let her know she is included as "rest of the world." Do set up some special time. Like telling her to please have dinner once a week with all of you. And perhaps to babysit one child while you run
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • out and run an errand with another. So she can have quality time with one grand while the other kid can have special Mommy time. But it is important to have you and your SO on the same page. She can't continue if he puts his foot down and supports you. If he can't.....you may want to rethink this relationship. You want to marry him and not his mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Cutting the cord is a two-way deal. Your fellow is just as responsible as is his mother. Just because she asks all kinds of questions does not mean he has to give her the answers. Just because she asks him to do all kinds of things does not mean that he has to do them. Part of the growing up process is learning to establish priorities in the correct order and that includes our parents vs. other responsibilities.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:32 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

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