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should i agree to an open adoption

the birth mother is bipolar and won't medicate,


Asked by fostermom604 at 1:04 PM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (7)
  • An "open" adoption can be as open as you want it to be. You can always start small, sending her pictures and a letter once in awhile, and work your way up as you see fit...if you see fit. But, if you start with a wide open adoption and the situation becomes unhealthy for anyone involved, it is very difficult to go backwards and cut established ties. No matter what, of course your priority is doing what is best for the child involved. In our situation, we actually have contact with the birth grandparents and not the birth mother...she, too, is unstable and we were not comfortable with her being in our daughter's life. The grandparents, however, are WONDERFUL people and we are blessed to have them in our daughter's life. God bless you and best of luck with your difficult decision.

    Answer by kerijo143 at 1:21 PM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • I don't think that is a good idea.

    Answer by lynn63042 at 1:10 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • As a birthmom who has no medical conditions, is now married with two children of her own, a full time job and a Master's Degree I can tell you that it is very clear to me that even though I have an open adoption (We see each other a couple of times per year, can call anytime) I do not control the situation at all. My son is not legally mine in any way. If you feel even being around the birth mom under your supervision would be bad for your child you may want to reconsider but otherwise always remember that once those papers are signed you are in control and make sure the birthmom knows that but do it in a kind way.

    Answer by danelle1515 at 1:12 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • that depends. an open adoption will be just as painful to her as a closed adoption and the stress and trauma of surrendering her baby could exacerbate her illness. 60% or more natural mothers become suicidal over the loss of their child. this could make her recovery from her illness much more difficult.

    an open adoption may benefit the child but if she has another child, no matter what the circumstance, the child she surrendered will wonder why they weren't good enough to keep. rejection and anger is a very common result of being surrendered. an open adoption will let the child know of their roots and they can ask questions.

    re: being bipolar, the severity depends on if she is bipolar I or bipolar II. there is a genetic component -- the child might inherit it -- are you prepared for this possibility?


    Answer by Momzilla4 at 1:31 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • As an adoptive mom I would not agree with an open adoption because it is hard for the child to adapt to the new family. I definately would consider not open adoption especially with a bi polar mom.

    Good luck!

    Answer by FAHTMOM at 1:36 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I think that if she's willing to take her meds for 6months before seeing the child then she should be allowed to one of the hardest things for a mother to do is admit thiers something wrong with them and they can't take care of their child and thats wats she's doing she admitting she can't do it and she's giving U the chance to succed where she failed and all she's asking is to be able to see the child grow up and I mean if U want so not to confuse the child since I don't know how old he or she is U could let the child grow up thinking that the woman is Ur friend and tell him or her when he or she is older the truth when they can understand it better I Don't know if this is good advice or bad adive I don't know wat type of bipolar she is to really tell U wat to do i'm just giving my opinion

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • As an adoptive mother as well, our daughter's birth mother is a drug addict, prostitute, and suffers from bipolar. She doesn't know who we are, but we do have limited information on her. She chose to never see her daughter since she abandoned her at the hospital. In the long run, I think it's better for the child (which should be your top priority) if the adoption is closed.

    Answer by mommytoadam at 5:33 PM on Jun. 22, 2008