Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Opposite views on sex

I have no desire to be intimate with my husband. I feel that our lack of emotional intimacy is a primary cause for this. He feels no desire to be emotionally intimate since there is no physical intimacy. He thinks that emotional intimacy stems from a physical relationship. Therefore, we are at an impasse: he won't give emotional care without having physical care first, and I don't feel comfortable giving physical care without receiving and feeling emotional care. Any suggestions?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Apr. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • When you figure this out, let me know. My boyfriend rarely has time at home. He thinks I should be intimate out of respect for him. I told him that women need to feel loved and like we are worth something, not just "he's home, I'll jump on" (LOL) I feel I am here to be a live in babysitter and maid/cook. A typical day at home is him coming home, eating dinner, and going to sleep... *sigh*
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Hallelujah! I was really beginning to think i was the only one stuck in that hole. My hubby and i are going through the SAME thing. i won't give, til he gives emotionally and he won't give til i give physically. ah, what to do.....it's like anon said....women need to feel loved and respected and like our lives are important and things are falling into place before we can by physical. when the pieces of the puzzle are crumbling around us....sex is not at the top of the list. i was just talking with my coworker about this yesterday because i told her i think there's something wrong with me because i seriously have NO desire to be intimate anymore.
    xoxomendyrox

    Answer by xoxomendyrox at 9:56 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • I think it is a woman vs man thing. Some men have to consciously work on that their women need to have that emotional nourishment. My husband doesn't see a point to saying the words I love you, or to offer emotional support. He feels that his going to work every day and taking care of his household chores says it all. And I have come to accept this and to appreciate it for what it is. It is as though he is speaking a different language and I have found out that I can understand the language. When he takes out the trash, he is saying I care about you. When he goes to work he is saying I love you. Think about what your man is saying to you in his actions. Especially if he is refusing to say the words or to take the action you want, think about what he is saying in his own way. Don't hold yourself back because you want to coerce him to speak your language. Speak his instead, since you love him.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:05 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • try to be or feel more romantic while making love......you can get emotional intimacy from physical intimacy, then it works for both of you. Believe it or not, men need to feel both too, whether they say it or not. Kiss him a little sweeter, rub him a little sweeter, hold him a little tighter, he'll catch on and do the same for you, then you both get what you want. when your done or the next morning, "be like, hey how 'bout that lovin's last night, huh," and kiss him on his forehead.....it's a team effort, but someone has to start somewhere. Both of you not bending to eachother needs will just cause you to break. good luck!
    MrsG423

    Answer by MrsG423 at 10:09 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • meet half way. share with each other what turns you on. come up with more than one thing, and each of you pick one and do it to each other. if he wanna have sex, he'd better make time for the foreplay. if what turn you on is simply just doing chores around the house and play with the baby(that so turns me on), let him know how appealing that is to you, and one thing should let to another lol.
    KaydensMom99

    Answer by KaydensMom99 at 11:03 AM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • I had this issue with my ex and after breaking up i realized the problem wasn't that i didn't want sex it was that i was not attracted to the person he had become and actually didn't love him the way i did before.
    hotmomma8869

    Answer by hotmomma8869 at 10:23 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
pot head!

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
Is this labor?