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Is he backwards or am I just wrong for asking him?

I called DDs father this morning to ask him to watch the baby this afternoon so I could go get a pap smear (we aren't together). When I asked him to watch her, he got very emotional. He stated that he doesn't like to watch her because she doesn't know who he is. He sees her 5-6 times a month, at his convenience. I have tried to make things easier by dropping her off at his house and picking her up after the visit. I give him whole afternoons, sometimes whole days, to take DD.

I don't understand his thinking though! If he is feeling distanced from DD, shouldn't he want to see her more? I understand it is very hard to have a child who he isn't that connected with. I gave my firstborn up for adoption, and at almost 7 years of age she still doesn't understand my role in her life (though we are all open about it). When I do feel upset about this, I make the effort to see her more often.

So what gives? What's up with him?


Asked by epoh at 11:57 AM on Apr. 3, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 6 (146 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Men just dont think the same way we do.
    He thinks, its awkward I should stop. We think, its awkward, we should press on for more time,etc.

    He just needs to come to terms with his role in her life and press on. Keep encouraging him and all that.

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 12:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Maybe he just doesn't know how to cope with those feelings. You know how guys are!

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 12:00 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Yeah, I agree with you. It is good that you try to foster a relationship between them though. Maybe see if you can go over there a bit early before the appointment and get her comfortabe before you go, will that make him feel better at least? Tell him your point of view on it, sounds like you are doing your part, he just seems nervous and is backing away instead of coming around more, nerves maybe? Just talk to him, it sounds like you have a good relationship for your daughter for the most part.

    Answer by AK_aries at 12:02 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Yeah, you'd think he would realize that the solution to that would be spending more time with her.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 12:03 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Yeah. He is sad that she doesn't know him, but he doesn't take any steps for her to know him. Regular visits that he and you plan into your weeks would seem to be a solution.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:06 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • men are dense.

    aside from that, he's probably scared. he doesn't know how to handle a young child/baby, and he might be afraid that he's going to do something wrong. if that's the case, he doesn't want to spend time with her at all, even if he feels distanced, because he doesn't want to mess up. would it be possible to help him feel more comfortable by both you and your daughter staying with him during the visits, so he can see how you interact and care for her, and he can learn what works and what to do?

    Answer by llansky at 12:09 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

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