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Do u think Financial Irresponsibility is a feesable reason to leave someone?

specifically-Gambling problem

$400-600 a week. sometimes more. i think it shows lack of commitment to the spouse. he is not doing all he can to take care of her. its selfish. it is an addiction and he refuses help.

 
BubbysMom208

Asked by BubbysMom208 at 12:04 PM on Apr. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • I'm always willing to give someone a chance, but I don't put all my self at risk for it. Meaning, I'll help them find a way, show them some things, give them ideas. They go for it or they don't. If their choice then doesn't fit within my world....I have to let them go. Nobody can change another person, only they can. You always have to make the best choices for your own life.
    Bubby'sMom208....for your mom....is he thinking "for better or worse" or is he just holding her to it? This is what needs to be asked, point blank, to him.
    All you can do it be there for your mom.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 12:48 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • If he refuses help-she needs to leave him and let him hit rock bottom-sometimes that is what it takes to make him see.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • yes on something like gambling definitely. At first I was just thinking the economy got ya down, but this is somehting different. Give him an ultimatum, and follow through with it.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 12:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Yes it is definitely a reason to leave if they can't get help. My MIL just broke up with her fiancee recently because he is financially irresponsible. With bills though, not gambling.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 12:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • If he isn't willing to get help, then I can maybe see leaving. My husband had a huge problem for a while. He lost over $3,000 every week. In a good month, he would win $8,000 but it still wasn't enough to cover the loss. He was always at the casino. He didn't realize how much he was taking out of the bank. I printed out a bank statement, highlighted all the withdrawls and added them up. Then, I took another color and showed him the amount he was winning and putting into the bank. I showed that total as well. I went back for months and months and showed him all of it. He was able to open his eyes and see the problem. He told me to change the pin number on his bank card so he would only be able to use it for purchases at a store when they ran it as a credit. Then, he had me take his checks so he couldn't cash those either. He knew he was too lazy to go into the bank and show ID to get money out. (cont)
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 12:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • that what she was thinking. its my mom. my stepdad has it bad.
    BubbysMom208

    Answer by BubbysMom208 at 12:09 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Most of his casino time took place after bank hours anyway. It has been over a year and he hasn't been back. I told him if he wanted, I would give him $20 each week to go with but he said no, it was best to not do anything at all. He needs to open his eyes and realize what he is doing. If he won't do that, then I can't blame her for leaving.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 12:09 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • It's like any other addiction. Would you divorce a smoker? A drinker? An overeater? Or would you, maybe with help from others, show and help him learn a better way first?
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 12:13 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • EireLass that is my moms dilemma. feeling bad about the "for better or worse" part.
    BubbysMom208

    Answer by BubbysMom208 at 12:16 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • When we marry someone, we vow to stick with them for better or for worse, through sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. Gambling is an addiction. It is an illness. And it can definitely make you poorer. Of course nobody but your mom is in this situation and doesn't know the entire story, but unless she has given 100% of herself to help him help himself, then I think she should stick with him. Marriage isn't something to give up one when the time comes. We make a covenant, a pact with our partner that is supposed to last a lifetime. Help your mom find some resources. If you mom belongs to a church, ask them to step in and help pray and/or do an intervention. I will be praying for your mom in this situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

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