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How do I involve husband more?

My son is 6 weeks old. He doesn't seem to want much to do with my husband. He wont even let him feed him. Actually he wont let anyone else feed him. I mostly breastfeed, but give formula sometimes. I figured that would be a good way to get father and son to bond. It just isn't working. Any advice on how to get dad involved more?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Apr. 3, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (8)
  • He does not have to be feeding the baby to bond with him. Put him in charge of bathtimes. Have him change his clothes. His diapers. When your son is on the floor for tummy time, have your husband lie down besides him and entertain him. Or have him hold him and read a short storybook (yes, it your son is very small, but he will enjoy hearing his father read the book, and look at the colorful pages) as a part of the evening rountine. The more your son hears his voice, feels him, and smells him, the better they will bond. Also, having some responsibilities will make your husband feel more important. Maybe you could pump and have your husband give him a bottle without you present. If your son can see/hear/smell you, he will probably protest more. (My bet friend breastfed, and she had to leave the room when someone gave her baby a bottle of breastmilk.)

    Answer by ShadesofGrey at 3:03 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • your baby can smell the difference in people. it is not that he does not like your hubby but he is just so used to you. have him sit very close to you when you feed. at every feeding or as many as he can. then try him helping you breast feed. sounds weird i know but that is what they told me. then pump and see if he takes to your hubby. let me know

    Answer by mamanpnk at 5:09 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Sorry, I used the wrong pronoun. I had it in my head you were talking about a daughter! I guess all babies aren't girls!

    Answer by EmilySusan at 4:27 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • My hubby loved doing bath time with both our daughters. Even if he can't feed her, don't let him get discouraged. He can take her on walks, change her, play with her... I think a lot of couples get stuck in a dynamic they never intended because of the "I don't have the equipment" thing... She will go through phases of wanting more and less to do with dad, all kids do. And since you're asking this question at 6 weeks it's a good sign that you as a couple are aware of the importance of the bond between both parents with their children... just keep trying. And just because she fusses a little with Dad, you don't have to intervene. It could be good for them to spend some time without you so you're not tempted and they can work out their dynamic together.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 4:26 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Yea...when hubby is around let him hold your son as much as possible so he can form a bond. My son is now 6 months and he loves his daddy to hold him. My hubby works and goes to school at night so he gets home really late but still makes time for baby. It's funny, on the weekend, my son knows daddy is home for a while and starts acting more demanding. He will demand daddy holds him. I love when they bond, it makes me so happy to see. Hubby doesn't really change the poopy diapers but I do make him change him on the weekends. And I mostly feed him but sometimes hubby must do it too if I am out. Good luck.

    Answer by mommylovesu28 at 4:13 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • There is no reason for you or dad to think that the only way to bond with baby is to feed baby. There are so many other opportunities; bath time, bare chested holding when not on the breast, holding baby while you prepare to breastfeed, hug / hold you and baby while breastfeeding, rub baby's head while breastfeeding (this is shown to stimulate the brain and help with development), changing diapers, tummy time play, try to make baby laugh, etc. Any and all situations can be turned into 'bonding time' so try not to focus on feeding being the only bonding time because that is far from the truth. Here is an article on dads and breastfeeding that may help as well.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Hand him over to your husband after he is already eating from a bottle. He can burp him for you after he eats, bath him, change diapers, talk to him when you are holdin ghim, Pretty much anything you do for or with him(except breastfeed) your husband can do too.

    Answer by AK_aries at 4:04 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • He could make the bottles when you are feeding your baby a bottle. He could change the diapers. Also, just going to get the baby for you so that you can breastfeed is a good thing. My husband helped changes his clothes and put lotion on him.

    Answer by DDry at 3:58 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

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