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What should I do about my 15 yr old daughter?

My 15 yr old daughter announced to me three days ago she has been seeing a 16 yr old black male from school, she is white.
She admits this has been going on for 3 months.
First she is 15. Second this has been hard for us to accept. Please think in line of your child. We are not raciest, we have many friends that are in interracial marraiges and they are wonderful people, we even have an aunt married to a black man, and we all love him very much.
So we asked a friend of ours who is black preacher why would this bother us so much, he was very comforting and assured us that it probably comes from us including him being in our 40's and times have changed, but then why does it not bother us with others, he then said that he believes because it hit in our home and even he hopes his children find their relationships to be with black he said it is not that we dont love all it is just something we as parents seem to want of our age

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Asked by 123winnie at 5:32 PM on Apr. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (27)
  • I don't see the problem, so she has a black BF, you have to deal with it, there's worse things she could be telling you

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • It's better that she has a black boyfriend that treats her good then it would if she was with a white boy who wanted to use her and treat her wrong. Always look at the person on the inside. It will show more about them than skin color will. You probably feel uncomfortable with it because you don't want people who are racist to treat them like they are filthy for being together.

    Answer by PinkDiamond717 at 5:37 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • I agree with everything your pastor says. Makes sense. I'm in the same age range, and it really is the generation we were brought up in.

    Answer by EireLass at 5:42 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Don't make something out of nothing. If you say you are not racist then stand by that and don't give her a hard time because of it. If he is a good kid and treats your daughter well then you need to get over your generations engrained response. If you get on her case for this she may see you as a hypocrite and not trust you anymore. Then things will truly be bad because you could very well lose your daughter.  I suggest trying to spend more time around them/him.  Getting to know him will probably wash away your uneasiness.


    Answer by Tawanda74 at 5:43 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • I have kept this to myself, but i cried, I worry like one said of her age and other mothers now denying their little girls to hang out with my daughter who also loves her friends. She has always been very loving to all and the rejection might her as well.

    Answer by 123winnie at 5:47 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Well, to be honest with you, if the parents of your dd's friends are no longer allowing them to hang out with her because of the color of her boyfriends skin, then it's their loss not hers. These parents sound a little snobbish to me, racist and everything else negative, therefore I wouldn't want my child hanging around them either...

    From experience, my so is dating a Polynesian girl. She's a great girl and I love her to death...if my son would've told me that he's only dating outside of his race because he was ashamed of his race, I would've been hot, but he choose this girl because she caught not only his eye, but his heart as well...Her parents and I accept that as love and as long as she treats him good and vice versa, we could careless the friends they may lose cause in our opinion who needs them anywho!!!

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:56 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • I'm sorry but I don't think I understand.. are you saying her friends are rejecting her because of her boyfriend? If they are then they are not very good friends and good riddance. BUT I understand she would be hurt by that and it wouldn't easy. Of course it won't be easy for you to watch happen either. You can't control others' ignorance unfortunately. The best you can do is be there for her if this should happen. Heartache is a part of life, I wish we could keep our children from it but eventually they have to face it. Better with you by her side then out on her own.


    Answer by Tawanda74 at 6:03 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • 123winnie....I feel for you, I'm in the same age range, and know where you're coming from. It's the society we live in, and that stinks. That as much as people will say "I'm not racist", they will choose to reject your daughter for this. But this is not a fight for you. This is for her to go through. You should only approve/disapprove of her dating him due to her age, and if he is decent, etc. Beyond that, if he's well mannered, etc, then let it be. She will find the true character of others by doing this. It will be a good lesson for all. And you are not too old to grow either.

    Answer by EireLass at 6:16 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • He's her boyfriend. They're not getting married. It's no big deal. Be happy that your child doesn't look at skin color like so many still do. Have the boy over for dinner and meet him, I'm sure you will like him.

    Answer by feesharose at 6:22 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • eirelass...thank you for your understanding. Im trying so very hard to find acceptance to this so that I will not teach my daughter something that I have preached to her since day one and that is we are all matter. So even though I would like her to date a white boy I have to search this inner demon out and accept this.....I have met the boy, he is /or seems to be a very nice young man with a very good head on his shoulder, I just wish they were friends and feel very wrong for this, because I feel that her finding this young man to be so special, that I succeeding in teaching my young girls that we are all equal. But I know there are others in the world that will look down on her and it fears me for her. She means so very much to me, she is beautiful both inside and out.....

    Answer by 123winnie at 6:29 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

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