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The love an adoptee has for their adoptive parents compared to "Stockholm Syndrome"? Seriously?

I have a pretty open mind on all aspects of adoption. Truly I do! But in a discussion I came across, a firstmom is comparing the love adoptees feel for their a-parents to "Stockholm Syndrome"! If you're not familiar with it, here goes:

He may love you hate you no way to tell most adoptees think that the A/P's are wonderful, They will say and think what is needed to avoid the hurt.

You have heard of the Stockholm syndrome, Quote: Definition of Stockholm syndrome:

Stockholm syndrome: An extraordinary phenomenon in which a hostage begins to identify with and grow sympathetic to their captor. Named for an episode that occurred in Stockholm in August, 1973 when an armed Swedish robber took some bank workers captive, held them for six days and stole their hearts. The Stockholm syndrome is not limited to Swedes. Patty Hearst, heir to the publishing fortune, was kidnapped in 1974 by the Symbionese Liberation Army.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Apr. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (42)
  • Stockhold Syndrome continued:

    She later joined the SLA and participated in a bank robbery with them. More recently, Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped by a couple for 9 months. Elizabeth repeatedly had the chance to run away or ask for help but did not. It is now generally believed that she had the Stockholm syndrome, in which she formed emotional bonds with her captors."

    So our kids are "hostages" and we are "captors"?????????


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • It sounds like someone is regretting her decision.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • My mom adopted my oldest boy and he is very bonded with her....that's ludacris!! I think that is a birth mom who probably isn't very happy with her child being where he, is showing some of her hurt.

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:28 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • as an adopted child I think that's a load of crap... I'm grateful for being adopted. I've never once felt like a hostage. however I did go though a stage of feeling abandoned by my Birth parents (which I think is a stupid name they aren't my anything parents they r the people who made me and gave me to a wonderful loving family.) I don't know where someone would get we feel like we r hostages in anyway. adoption is a blessing and it saved my life for being an option.

    Answer by theheartbaby at 11:31 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • Wow. That is so incredibly offensive.

    I'm adopted, so I guess I just don't get the whole "because we're related by blood it must be a stronger bond than anything else" mentality. My husband's family has it, and yet they're pretty dysfunctional. My parents and I have a very close bond-- more so than many people I know who are biologically related.

    Comparing it to Stockholm Sx-- wow. Again. Wow.

    Answer by Busimommi at 11:32 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • As a Mother of a surrendered child, I do disagree with that comparison. Had the adoptive parents been horribly abusive, perhaps I can see the logic of that description, but on all adoptees....I highly doubt it.


    Answer by randi1978 at 11:47 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • As an adoptee, I have only one question:

    What was the author of this theory smoking?

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:50 PM on Apr. 3, 2009

  • I honestly don't know why I even read this forum, and this is a perfect example. Both of my kids were placed with us voluntarily by two wonderful women who happen to have problems with addiction. They looked at their situations and decided that it would be best for them to let someone else raise their children. We have open adoptions and good relationships.

    My kids love me because I am their MOM, plain and simple! I think that when people try to make adoptive moms feel like they are nothing, they are hurting whole families. Adoptive moms should feel entitled to raise their children because they were chosen for that role.

    I try to remember that the people who say those things are hurting and in much need of prayer.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:18 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Yeah, clearly they had no clue what they were talking about. I am happy to be adopted by someone who wanted me and loved me. If you have never been adopted, you will never know. It's that simple. I feel sorry for the person who wrote that. It's complete crap, and I hope they get a life.

    Answer by madrigalreject at 2:23 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • AllAboutKeeley, I speculate that your observation might be correct. While I will admit that if and when my surrendered daughter and I meet, it will be hard to get pass the love she may have for her parents. But I would never say that it was due to Stockholm Syndrome. It would be because they raised her, loved her as much as I love her, etc. Nothing will ever change my love for her, but I would never expect her to love me that much back(if she shows me love at all). And I would not use some disorder to explain her love for her parents.

    I love my stepdad as my dad. He raised me as his own. I love my father too, but not like the love I feel for my Dad. The loyalty I feel towards my Dad is intense. Same concept.

    Answer by randi1978 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

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