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I know I have self esteem issues, but am I completely wrong on this?? I have struggled with body issues for most of my life.

From 14-15 I was anorexic. I have pleaded with my husband to understand this and do what he can to help. That help comes in few, small doses. He ALWAYS points out hot chicks when we see them. He talks about which celebrities are sexy and who he wants to bang. He has pretty graphic pictures on his myspace of very sexy women. He has a top 10 list of the hottest chicks that he wants to bang (I am not on it) and revises it every once in a while. He makes mean, awful comments about fat chicks. He makes it seem like being fat is the worst thing one can do. He will talk about an extemely hot chick he sees for months afterwards. He compliments me on my looks maybe 10 times a year. When I was pregnant he wouldn't have sex w/ me for 4 months bc he wasn't attracted to me. When I bring up how much all this hurts me he just says I have low self esteem. And says if I were more confident it wouldn't bother me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:13 AM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I apologize for saying this, but he sounds like a kid in a mans body. Do you realize that he is the one that is making you feel you have low self esteem?After someone says things to people , those people start to believe it whether its true or not.He just sounds like he needs to grow up and you need to find a way to deal with low self esteem, then you can fix his butt.A therapist would work wonders for you.BTW, Is he all that?
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:40 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • oh that is horrible!! i would beat his ass if i knew him.
    he needs to see what he;s doing. men don't usually grasp eating disorders past or present very well at all. they think it just goes away and you aren't left with any of the same feelings just because you eat and are healthy now. realize it's not you, you are beautiful and your man might just be a pig. try to explain it to him again.. in different ways or go to couples therapy. even one session can be helpful. he might need someone else to explain it. do not allow any of this to cause you to go back to your ED. you have to stay healthy for you and for your baby.

    tell him you need his help bringing your self esteem back up, and ways he can do it. by not pointing out every hot chick he'd like to bang.. that would be a great start. and complimenting you once in a while. he should be a man, he is acting like a child, just like the first answer said.
    KyleeTrogolo

    Answer by KyleeTrogolo at 6:11 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • He is mentally abusing you, not only do you need some counseling so does he! I cannot even imagine my husband doing stuff like this, I am sorry you are going through this!

    lapcounter

    Answer by lapcounter at 6:26 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Holy crap, thats mental abuse. he is going to put you in a counsillars chair before he knows it. if i were you, i'd probably drop him. i know hes the father of your baby but you can have so much more self esteem if he wasnt in the picture. plus, finding someone who treats you as the Queen you are is wonderful. dont waste your time on junk.
    CandieGirl09

    Answer by CandieGirl09 at 7:41 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Seeing as you two are married and have a child, I think it would be a good idea to pursue marriage counseling at this point.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:48 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I would tell this POS to hit the road and DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR SORRY ASS ON THE WAY OUT!
    bristle3kids

    Answer by bristle3kids at 8:32 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Why did you marry a guy like that when you have body image issues? You're not likely to change him. So, what are you going to do to learn to tune it out or not get so distressed by it?
    halfpint_ny

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 8:33 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I was wondering if you had a little girl or boy. I would be more concerned about how his apparent superficial ideas of beauty are going to affect my daughter. I agree with OP, pursue marriage counseling, because you are not going to be able to change something that is that ingrained in him. The best you might hope for is to find a common ground where he at least understands where you are coming from.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 9:03 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Your husband is the one with the problem, not you. Since there is nothing you can do to change him, you should work on loving yourself, not for your body but for the person you are on the inside. That's the most important part of all of us. I know some really good-looking people who are scum-buckets on the inside. I'd rather be in the company of a fat person with a good heart than with the best looking person on earth who is a scum-bucket on the inside.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:34 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • Someone that loves you doesn't knowingly make comments to purposely hurt the one they love. Anorexia is serious. He is mentally abusing you and tearing you down and I am sorry but I think you know what you have to do. That is no way to live
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

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