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what do you do when a child hates you so much

My daughter is 23 and she does not want anything to do with me or her younger sister who is 21 the only ones she cares about is her brother 19 sister 7 and brother 14. She has walked away from her new home and left the state to go 1500 miles away to live with her grandmother who by the way is my ex-mother in law. She clasify's herself as my family is in Vermont and My husbands is in Georgia. By the way I live in Georgia along with the sister she hates also



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mdmaintenance

Asked by mdmaintenance at 8:33 AM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (21)
  • Sometimes letting go and letting them learn on their own will make them grow up and appreciate their family. You didn't say why she doesn't want anything to do with you, but, in her mind and her feelings, she feels this way.( you really can't discount her feelings)When a child hates this much, let her go and find her way and eventually she will call you when the right time comes along. Trying to make her see things from your point of view won't work right now, so no matter what, if you love her let her know, and let her know that you will be there if needed.When something looks better, its not always that way in real life.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:43 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • There's more to her story that you are either unaware of, or choosing to be in denial of. I also left my family of 7 siblings.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 8:43 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I have a 30 year old DD like that..Leave her alone. If she want's to talk she knows how to get a hold of you.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:45 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • You are either missing something or not telling us something I left my family two years ago and never looked back because some hurts can't be forgiven.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • A CHILD DOESN'T JUST WALK AWAY FROM SOME FAMILY MEMBERS AND NOT OTHERS, THERE IS MORE TO THIS STORY THAN YOU ARE TELLING.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:54 AM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • Yup, just leave her alone. She's finding herself. There comes a time when daughters want to separate from mom. It's normal. Some hate us more than others. It's not us they hate as much as the power they think we have over their life. I have a son who won't speak to me anymore and a daughter who talks to me like I'm a dog so I try to stay away from her. They have to find their own identity before they'll quit attacking our's. My youngest dd's a nice one, thank goodness or I'd think it was all me! lol Just know you did the best you can and they have to find what they are looking for in life. btw, my oldest dd hates my youngest dd (nice one). I think bc ppl like us and they don't like oldest dd. Not our fault. She should be nicer to ppl. Anyway, just enjoy your life. She'll grow up and come back.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:38 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • I'm wondering what you did to her. I know you're not even necessarily aware that you did anything wrong but if she's ignoring you and one sibling but talking to the rest the problem is not with her alone.

    I talk to my mother but we're nothing like close because she consistently favors my sister over me. I'm not talking petty kid stuff like whose glass has the most juice here. It's been a life long thing but now my sister has her convinced that I'm a despicable liar and she's a sweet little angel. I tried explaining this to my mother but she won't hear it. Frankly it's not my problem at this point and there isn't much I can do to solve it, either my sister needs to 'fess up or my mother needs to wise up.

    Think about how you're treated her. Any reason she'd feel the need to get away from you? You need to really think about it and be 100% honest with yourself.
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 6:43 PM on Apr. 5, 2009

  • If you love something, set it free
    If it comes back to you, it's yours
    If it doesn't, it never was.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 3:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • I think hate is a really stron word. Im also 23 and stopped talking to my mom about 2 months ago and it feels great. I do get sad sometimes when she text me saying she loves me and misses me but I know that its better off this way. Shes an ancholic and I have had to deal with it the last 3 years I lived with her and she says things to me that are very mean and hurtful and then when shes sober expects me to act like nothing ever happend. When my son was born she came to the hospital with alchol on her breath and walked out seconds after I gave birth to my son because I wanted to let my husband bond with our baby befor any one else came in there. Just like my father inlaw, she had to wait only 30 min. but no she couldnt wait to see her first grandson. Thats not the mother I want and to be honest I have everything in my life that makes me happy. I also dont have a realationship with my older sister and my little brother is a mess
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 9:37 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

  • Then I have a even younger sister who is only 15 and she has no mom either (same mom as me)and her dad which is not my dad doesnt care enough to disaplin her so shes headed for a long road of trouble. Nothing I can do because even If I tried to help my siblings, they still all need a mother and father. By the way my dad lives with me and I wish he didnt. Hes adicted to pain pills but takes another medicine to keep him off the pain pills. Crazy I know, just one drug replacing the other. My husband and I didnt have a choice, long story so he lives with us for now. He pays half the rent so its good enough for now. I dont let my son get close to him though cause I know how my family is. Plus we plan on moving out of here withing the next few years and start a life of our own some where else. Despite everything I just said, Im actually very happy and its because I no longer have to deal with my moms crap so maybe your daugher feels
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 9:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2009

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