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I just dont know what to do I think Ive done all I can

my brother and his gf are homeless and my brother lost his job they were living out of their cars so i moved them in with me and my other brother. His gf has a job but dosent make much money just enough to pay what they need to pay and my brothers looking everywhere. Plus a few weeks ago i went and pawned all of my jewelry just so i could give my brother money so he could eat. I love my brothers more then anything i really do. im 19 and i take care of my younger bro cause hes still in school and now i have my 21 yr old bro and his 21 yr old gf here with me to it doesnt really bother me cause at least i have company. i just dont know ho wto motivate them into saving money and getting out on their own and both keep working cause with them its either him working or her and he took care of her for the past year she started working like a week ago. I jut feel like im gonna be taking care of my bros for the rest f their lives.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Apr. 4, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (9)
  • Cont... my younger bro i dont mind taking care of because hes only 17 and hes legally blind and cant take care of himself and hes an albino ( i know that has nothing to do with anything but still its made life hard for him) but if i cant get them to get their crap together and help me them we are all going to be homeless and then I'll feel like the worst sister in the world. Like I let them down or something. Any advice would be apprectaited.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I would sit down with your brother and his girlfriend and tell them that you are not going to be their free ride. You are willing to help out *temperarily* but they must both get jobs, pitch in for food, rent, and utilities, start saving money to move out on their own as well as helping out with house chores, you're their sister not their maid/housekeeper. It is true that the economy sucks, and finding jobs can be hard, especially jobs that pay well, but if they both have to get 2 jobs making minimum wage so they can take care of themselves, so be it. They wouldn't be the first people to have to bust their asses just to get by.

    I would also look into getting as much assistance as you can.

    Answer by Crystal1124 at 11:30 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • You need to talk to them and tell them the reality of the situation is that they BOTH need to be working, they have no choice. It must be hard to have to tell your big brother to grow up, but it needs to be done. I would give them a deadline, tell them that I really want to help but cannot afford to support everyone so either they are both working and paying toward rent, food, power etc or they need to get out. I also feel like I have to take care of everyone, but sometimes we just need to let them fall and learn their own lessons. It is hard, but you already have your plate full with your own family and little brother, you don't need the stress of being responsible for your older brother and his GF.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:30 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • First of all I commend you...can't really find too many people like yourself. Now instead of giving your brother money what you can do is take him to your local employment office and they can help him with a resume and to find a job. As long as you keep giving him money sweetie hes going to expect that and not help himself. {His girlfriend also} They are able bodied and should be out there looking every single day! All they need is gas money. They can go to a salvation army and get clothes etc etc. Assistance is out there. Girl you have to take care of you and your little bro who isn't able. Don't stress yourself now because you have given them the foundation and its up to them to build from that.

    Answer by diamondmamma at 11:38 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • well he never asks me for money unless its really needed and hes only asked me maybe 3 times i just feel bad cause for the past year they have been doing it on their own but they would have to go days without eating and go all winter with no heat and i would go see them and they were to proud to ask for anything and i know its kiiling him cause he cant support them right now i mean he was going to live out of his car then come to me and he knows he can come to me for anything cause i wont judge and im letting him camp in my yard cause i have no other rooms i mean i set the tent up for him and got hime the air mattress and ran a power cord out there so the can watch movie on there laptop they can come int he house at free will for the bathroom and food and stuff

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • First ...stop feeling bad. You have done all you can do. You know he can go to the Department of Social Services to get assistance and they can help in find a job in the Family Independence program also. Just stop feeling all just don't know that there are agencies out there that can help you.

    Answer by diamondmamma at 11:51 AM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • I agree with diamond mama...there are plenty of government assistance for people who really need it. Even if it's only a couple hundred a month or foodstamps, it'll help. You know? I'm sure it's a pain to go and do all the paperwork I am sure they will have them fill out...but it's better than going hungry.

    Answer by SpiderGoddess at 12:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • What would be an ideal situation, IF you have room in your house, would be for them to get jobs and continue to live with you. Instead of everyone paying their own rent, everyone could pitch in equally pay for bills and food, and you all might do really ok that way. I don't know how you can get them motivated, other than a kick in the ass, but good luck to you and your family.

    Answer by summerdayz at 12:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

  • As my Tanty would say: Bless ya heart, chile! How commendable of you to take on the responsibility of your younger brother. I'm not sure where you live, but check your local government agencies. If he's legally blind, there should be services/support for which he would qualify. (For example in Massachusetts, we have the Mass Commission for the Blind/Visually Impaired. And, I've had a number of students who received a variety of services from them. Here they offer travel training, job coaching, self-care, etc. for their clients. They might even offer services that would support you as his caregiver.) Now the 21yo & gf...? Boo-Boo: set a deadline for them to move. Like the other CMs have said, there's nothing to stop their independence other than you. If you keep taking care of them, they never will take care of themselves! You have done more than your fair share; it's time for them to carry their own weight!

    Answer by jonosmama at 3:14 PM on Apr. 4, 2009

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